Connor and Helen Grow Up

Skiing Rite of Passage - Poles!

2012-02-09T08:00:00.001-05:00

There is a long held trust between children, parents, and ski teachers. Children ask parents for ski poles, parents respond "not until your teacher says it's OK". And for their part, teachers are supposed to steadfastly deny those boogers until it is impossible to refuse them any longer.

Apparently Connor's ski instructor on Monday did not get the memo that he was the one holding the line on the ski poles.

And thus, Connor is now the proud owner of ski poles. Let's hope he hurts neither himself nor others with them!

Elaine

P.S. About a week ago, Helen was skiing down the bunny hill and asked for poles. Ed handed her one and she threw it right back at his feet and said with disgust "that's not even skiing with poles". Ed and I are still laughing about it.

Wordless Wednesday - Cotton Candy!

2012-02-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

Circus Cafe, Saratoga, New York. Ever since Ed's sister-in-law arranged to have this dropped off at our a table after dinner - I've completely forgotten everything else I ate that night. They should market this as mind erasing cotton candy!

Elaine

New York City! I Own You

2012-02-05T22:39:00.004-05:00

It's true. New York City and I have not always gotten along. I doubt I'll ever forget when I nearly lost Helen, followed by the day I had a self-diagnosed panic attack in the middle of New York City with no other adults nearby that I knew. Although it took a while to get over that, I returned to visit Vickie the following November, and didn't even lose my kids once! Or feel as if I was in any danger of collapsing and leaving them to fend for themselves.

And now, frankly, it seems almost rude of me to tell New York City that my days of being intimidated by it are over.

For some reason ~~(because we were being cheap)~~, we decided to drive to Albany. On the way back, we split up the drive by stopping in New York City to visit Vickie and her crew. We spent a day chasing around giant statues in the City, visited a transportation museum, and ate cupcakes! Ed went out with a friend one night, and then it was back to DC for us. It was hardly intimidating at all. But it was fun!

Thank you, Vickie, for another great trip. Please let Tipper know that we are grateful that she is the nicest cat in the world, and someday, we hope to actually see something besides the blur that is Moxie as she exits the room when she sees us coming.

Benjie, Tipper, Connor, and Helen. Run, Tipper, run!

Can we break it?

"HELLO! I'm in a confined space! I must shout out to the world!"

Notice the thumb's up Helen is giving? That's her letting NYC know who's boss!

Elaine

Mayday to Mom!

2012-02-02T08:00:00.001-05:00

Last week, I decided to wake up prior to Connor coming downstairs for 40 consecutive days, to try and get in a new habit.

Typical morning in our house is I wake up. I roll over. I try and go back to sleep. I take a moment to beg the sleep gods that my kids will sleep in. That begging, by the way, is almost never answered - or it's answered halfway - in which case one child (usually Helen) will sleep until 8:00 and the other one will be bounding down the stairs at exactly 6:45 - which is freakin' useless. And, he would come down earlier, except I have a nightlight in his room that clicks on at 6:45, and the firm rule in this house is that nobody comes to see me before that light turns on.

Really, it's better for everyone.

Anyway, at 6:45 and 30 seconds, Connor is in my room on a typical day. He'll usually jump in bed for a quick snuggle, but really, he wants to be awake. And he is oh so wide awake, happy as can be. If Helen comes down at 6:45, all she wants to do is lay around for a few minutes. In fact, on the rare day that she's first up, she'll lay in bed for more than 15 minutes without making a peep (though she might kick me in the head or gut if I'm not careful).

In any case, on a normal day, I then drag my tired body to the shower, and try and get out of the house as fast as possible, to aid in leaving work on time so I can get dinner on the table by 5:30. It's a fire drill every day. Except Wednesday, which is the day I can work as late as I need (don't tell my boss!).

The first day I powered through waking up at 6:20 so I could drag my tired body to the shower by 6:30 and be out hopefully by the time Connor came downstairs, Connor was thrilled. I was, too. I pointed out to him that I was trying to wake up earlier than him so we could have a few minutes to play a game in the morning. He thought it was a great idea - with one caveat.

"Mom, you did not wake up earlier than me. I've been awake and waiting for the light to come on."

Well...OK. I got out of bed before the light came on, son.

Then, I fell apart, and failed on waking up. So...I'm trying again.

Monday, I woke up at 6:20 and was ready for Connor when he came down. He again noted that I did not wake up first.

Tuesday, he grabbed the baby monitor in his room and spoke directly into it at 6:30 clearly enunciating "Mom - just so you know - I am awake. You are not awake before me." Which caused me to haul a** into the shower after making sure I did not just have a heart attack. Those monitors are sensitive enough to hear a baby a few feet away breathe. A 6 year old talking directly into once is nothing short of shocking.

Elaine

Ed pointed out to me that getting into an early morning wake-up contest with Connor is something neither of us wants to do.

Wordless Wednesday: The Sibling Love Edition

2012-02-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

photo taken by Sarah Kaupp Photography

I love those kids!

Elaine

Lobsterfest - Connor and Helen Style

2012-01-31T08:00:00.000-05:00

Connor has never turned his back when presented with the opportunity to play with lobsters. And though Helen loves eating them, she's not nearly as fond of the pre-dinner opportunities they present.

Elaine

Measuring a Year

2012-01-29T20:49:00.002-05:00

I have a rather thorough knowledge of musical theatre - particular shows that pre-date 2005. I can sing probably 80 percent of the words to scores of musicals. I am likely responsible for my sister's hatred of musical theatre. After all, it's hard to learn all those words without listening to and then singing them over, and over, and over...

Most of the time, this knowledge is useless. But every now and then, a particular nugget shines through. Just for the record, earlier this year Connor posed the innocent question "How many minutes are in a year" and without missing a beat I belted out "five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear" from Rent, one of a very select group of musical of which Ed approves. Connor was totally impressed. Occasionally, when we have a few extra minutes before school, I turn up the stereo and play the song and we have an impromptu dance party.

We rock!

But I'm so busy dancing, I've not a single photo to share!

Elaine

Valentine's Day 101

2012-01-28T18:16:00.000-05:00

An email advertising Valentine Cards landed in my inbox this week, which brought me to the stunning realization that now that Connor goes to public school, I have the option of purchasing cards, rather than either punting on the whole effort or making cards by hand. I'm certainly not opposed to handmade cards - I rather like the idea, in fact. But unless the cards get made with my parents on a pre-Valentine's Day vacation this year, I'm guessing we'll be in the buying camp. So..save me, Tiny Prints!*

I perused the Tiny Prints Valentine's Day Greeting Cards with Connor and then him there with instructions to click on "favorite" for his favorites. He chose 23. Which is another way to say, I guess first grade boys aren't that picky in the Valentine's card department. Eventually, he decided on a lego themed card.

Although we won't be taking advantage of it this year, I noticed that several cards allow you to add a photo of your choosing - which might mean that next year, rather than Christmas cards - I'll send valentines, instead!

Elaine

Learn more about Tiny Prints by following them on Twitter (https://twitter.com/#!/TinyPrints)
Liking them on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/tinyprints)
And following the Tiny Prints boards on Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/tiny_prints/)

*And yes, I confirmed with another parent that our school is a Valentine's Day celebrating school, lest I endure the pain of having Connor address 20 cards only to learn the effort was a waste. She also mentioned that in first grade and Kindergarten, you give a Valentine to everyone in your class. After that, you can choose who you give Valentines to. What?!? I'm trying to teach my kid to get along with everyone in his class, can't we all agree to give valentines to everyone for many years?

Disclosure: I will receive a code that can be redeemed for 50 children's valentines for writing this post. All opinions are mine.

Girls ARE Good at Math - Despite What Connor Says

2012-01-24T22:08:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago, we walked to a nearby restaurant. I love walks like these, because I can almost always count on one of my kids saying something entertaining. Connor threw me for a curve with this ditty.

I asked him how he liked his new math class.

"I like it. It's THIRD GRADE MATH, so it's fun!"

"Are there any other kids from Mrs. H's class in Mrs. R's [new math teacher] class?"

"No. But there are five other kids that went to Mrs. Rs class with me. One from Mr. F's class isn't that smart. He had to leave. It was too hard for him."

Imagine me being a little blown away by how insensitive this sounds. What happened to - he had a little trouble, so he might try another week? Or, he doesn't really love math so he went back to Mr. F's class?

While I was trying to decide how to respond, Connor carried on: "And, there are only boys in my class.[PAUSE] Maybe because girls aren't good at math."

And then I exploded right there on the sidewalk and hopefully Connor learned that girls are, in fact, good at math. Or, perhaps he learned I am crazy. But either way, I was more than a little annoyed by his postulation. I could see Ed was tempted to laugh and I can assure you, that reaction was stifled quickly. Because nobody - especially not my daughter's father - will have any role in convincing her she can't be good at math.

So now, I've spent the past several days wondering if there's a perfectly good explanation why no girls are in Connor's gifted math class, like the girls are in another group that meets at another time. Six IS a small sample, after all. But a small part of me wants to march into the principal's office and let her know that she needs to drum up some female business for that class - quick.

Because the principal? She also already knows I'm crazy. So in some ways, I've got nothing to lose. Anyone want to toss out some advice?

Elaine

Can I Help You?

2012-01-22T23:13:00.002-05:00

I was going through photos taken over Christmas tonight. These were taken at the Children's Museum at Saratoga.

Thanks, Helen. I needed the laugh.

Elaine

Subtle...

2012-01-21T08:00:00.000-05:00

is not in Helen's vocabulary when it comes to make-up application.

Elaine

Homemade Friday: First Finished Project of 2012

2012-01-19T23:07:00.002-05:00

I've been admiring these bloom tunics over at www.WaldorfMama.typepad.com forever. I finally finished my first one - and I don't know whether Helen or I adore it more!

Elaine

Just Tell Me What I Need To Do Here

2012-01-17T22:33:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, we went skiing with several friends. At one point, most of the people in the group tried snow tubing. Although Helen did not find her first brush with snow tubing to be fun last year, she was interested in trying again. Unfortunately, she's too short. At Wisp mountain, you need to be 42 inches to snow tube.

Helen pondered wearing her "wedding shoes" that Aunt Linda gifted her a few years ago. They have a small heel on them and Helen loves tromping around in them - often announcing how tall she is! Unfortunately, wedding shoes are inappropriate snow tubing gear - although what really concerned Helen is not that her feet would freeze off, but that once she wore the shoes outside, they would become outside shoes instead of inside shoes. That, in Helen's eyes, would be awful.

Connor suggested wearing a big hat. We didn't think that would work though, given that Helen is about 3 inches too short.

The evening before tubing, Helen asked Ed and I what foods helped you grow. We told her that milk, yogurt, and kale were good foods. She insisted we go out and purchase more kale immediately. Her plan? Grow 3 inches overnight. It was a little hard to explain to her, that even if she ate a lot of kale, she'd still be under 42 inches in the morning.

I have to hand it to Helen, though. She was pretty determined to grow those inches - and she was willing to do just about anything to make it happen.

Elaine

His Brain Told Him

2012-01-16T22:48:00.000-05:00

Connor loves math. In his Christmas letter to his teacher, he told her that. I think the letter was something like "Merry Christmas, Mrs. H. I love math. Love, Connor".

The first time he had a math test, he aced it, and there was a note on it instructing me to "celebrate Connor". I then asked Connor about the test and he proceeded to tell me from memory every question on the test. My next thought was, if the test was so easy you memorized it, it's hardly worth celebrating. So as not to be a total Scrooge, I told him he could pick what game our family played that night. He thought that was pretty groovy.

At times like these, I always remember approaching my dad for a monetary reward after receiving my grade card. You see, every other person in my elementary school received money for getting A's (or at least I think they did!), typically $1 - $5. I let my dad know about this fact so he could step up his efforts in the reward department. He looked at my and dryly said "I'm not going to pay you to do something I expect you to do". Point taken. There would be no monetary reward from my dad for getting good grades. (Which is maybe where my hatred for prizes stems from - latent jealously!)

On Wednesday last week, Connor came home and told me he had another math test and he got every question right.

Me: "Did Mrs. H. tell you got every question right?"
Him: "No, my brain told me."

And then I had a meeting with Mrs. H. on Thursday to discuss his recent freak-outs, and in the course of our conversation, she told me he had scored 100 percent on his math test. She also told me she hadn't told Connor that yet. I told her, don't worry, his brain already told him that. And she was a little blown away, because apparently in class, he lacks this sort of confidence.

What gives on that front?

Elaine

Connor's First Open Mic

2012-01-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

Connor participated in his elementary's school's first ever open mic night. Modeled after the Busboys and Poets Poetry Slam, children were asked to submit a piece of writing they had completed. The PTA would choose works across grades in a random selection, and would supplement the line-up by asking teachers to nominate students as well.

I never turned in the submission form, because Connor's writing lacks depth, shall we say? For him to string two sentences together is a near miracle, but for whatever reason, participating in this event stuck in his craw. I figured he'd forget about it but the day after entries were due, he came to me waving the reminder flier (how he found it amongst the approximately one bajillion items sent home every Friday I will never know) and begged me not to forget to submit something for him.

Craptastic.

So I figured I would submit something late, and hope the committee would have mercy on me. You see, every other time this year there has been a deadline, I have met it. Only to get an email the day after the due date saying "if you didn't meet the deadline, don't worry. Submit whatever random thing you were supposed to submit by the end of the week".

But for that event? The day after entries were recieved - just minutes after Connor had reminded me not to forget, I received an email in my inbox proclaiming "everyone who signed up gets to participate!". So I emailed the PTA president immediately, begged forgiveness, explained that Connor wanted to do this the entire time but I was too lazy to work with him and submit something, and if they could not accept something from him I totally understood because they'd sent home many reminders and this was ALL MY FAULT. And really, I'm a bad mom sometimes, but that's my problem, not theirs. The PTA president forwarded my pathetic email to the committee chair and she took pity on me and said she'd be happy to include Connor.

So then we spent Christmas break writing a story. I have to hand it to Connor. The story started out with his typical two sentences (something along the lines of: She dropped her fishing pole in the water. We couldn't find it.") but he was thrilled to keep writing as I asked him questions about the story, asked if there was anything else an audience who wasn't actually at the event being described would want to know, who is "she", etc. It was hard work, and he rocked it. We even went so far as to cut up his written work into sentences that he could easily re-arrange and write another sentence to insert in between.

Prior to leaving for the evening, I told Connor he needed to wear "fancy clothes" which means, no sweat pants. He took it up a notch and hung one of Ed's ties around his neck as well. We are nothing, if not an awesome dressing family.

Connor is so thrilled with this piece, I cannot possibly capture it in words. However, I can present to you his performance (yay video camera!) and let you know that in Ed's completely biased opinion, Connor's was the best first grade piece.

I thought the collection of storytellers was a complete hoot. Helen seemed to enjoy several pieces and only criticized one as being "really long".

I hope they have the event again. The only thing that really annoyed me is that Connor was so proud of himself - just beaming, and then at the end they announced, in typical public school fashion "and all our writers get a prize". I know Connor loves these prizes, but I really feel as if the school is doing everything it can to eliminate all internal motivation. I hope they don't succeed.

Elaine

Tantrums and Being Six

2012-01-11T17:00:00.000-05:00

I know I'm going to get socked in the face for this, but in my house, we really don't have tantrums. I can recall a couple thrown by Connor, and three thrown by Helen.

Although few in number, both Helen and Connor have had a tantrum in front of multiple family members, so the number of people who witnessed a tantrum is fairly impressive. They probably don't believe me about the rarity of the event.

Timing. It's everything.

There's a theory of child development that kids spend half a year being super mellow and loving life, and the other half of the year stretching and growing into their next age. Apparently, Connor didn't get that memo exactly right because for the last two days - when he is only 6 years and 5 months - he has been a pill.

Two nights ago, I finally got tired of the "why do I have to [insert chore]" query and told him that the answer was always going to be that it's because he's part of this family, and everyone does what they can to make it work at its best. I then said every time he asked me that question, he'd be given one additional chore. He doesn't like this system but I'm betting by tonight, he'll stop asking that annoying question.

Yesterday, he was home from school to get his hair combed by the professional de-licer. He was having so much fun at home creating a restaurant, complete with menus, that I decided he could remain home for the rest of the day. That was probably a big mistake on my part. I should've sent him back to school after the great comb-out so that he could live in his typical rhythm. By nightfall, he was done being cooperative.

First, he was playing with Helen and the boy next door and he was being insufferable about game rules. I was trying to cook dinner and seriously considered throwing out the beautiful game his grandmother had gifted him at Christmas, just because it was making me nuts.

Then, after dinner I told him to clear his plate (a job he does daily) and he started in with the questions, got a penalty task, and then settled into playing a math game on the computer that is part of his homework this week - another post on how I abhor that to come. He finished, came to join in the game Helen and Ed were playing and I asked him to pick up a puzzle he had left out earlier that day. Rather than doing it, he started in on me, which didn't delight me at all. And then after wasting 10 minutes doing a 1 minute job - complaining the whole time - he decided to join the game in the most disruptive way possible. After a warning or two, Ed scooped him up and took him to bed. It's nice when the parent who doesn't have skin in the game takes this initiative. Helen had a few sympathy tears, argued a bit for Connor's case, and then decided to finish the game and have a treat without Connor.

I heard Connor screaming for a good 5 minutes over this. Seriously? A temper tantrum over a quick job?

This morning, Connor was no less argumentative, so I informed him that he still had one more month of being pleasant and not arguing with me. Come February 12, we can discuss the merits of rebelling. I'm hoping he takes that message to heart, because I need some respite from last night to put my game plan together for the next six months.

Elaine

Eradicating Lice From Your Head

2012-01-10T16:03:00.001-05:00

Chez Connor and Helen has just wrapped up what I hope will be the shortest and mildest case of lice ever. Wish me luck, because nothing less than my sanity is at stake here. And I'm wishing you luck, too. Consider this my public service announcement of gratitude.

On Monday, I received a note from Connor's classroom rep indicating that lice had been found on some children in the class. Connor was outside making a snowman, so I quickly emailed my mom friends so they could talk me off a ledge. They did. Thank you. Although I had hoped one of them would email "you have been given the ability to wind time backwards and have Connor never exposed to lice", that did not happen.

But even in my panic, I was able to remember that I had tools! In June, 2010, I attended a blogging event for DC Metro Moms - a site I wrote fewer than 10 posts for before it collapsed. While it appears I spent more time tasting cupcakes at that event than anything else, I did remember having a little shiver creep up my spine when the founders of Lice Happens gifted me a comb during that event. I politely tucked the comb away, and prayed that I would never need it. Because lice? That's creepy.

I am nothing, if not an over-reactor in situations like these. I had Connor remove all his clothes before entering the house, and gifted him with a new set upon crossing the threshold to what I hoped was our lice free abode. I didn't know, yet, that lice can't actually hang out and live for a long period of time, so even if Connor's head had been riddled with lice (and thank goodness it was not!), lice weren't going to set up camp in my home, or they would die. They need to be close to the scalp.

We ate dinner, and then I set about using The Comb. And I found four living lice, and about 10 nits (eggs) - and because I wasn't sure I was using the comb correctly, and because I was still freaking out underneath, I called Lice Happens and I talked to a co-owner of the company, Nancy, for a long time. She really did calm me down. She answered a lot of questions that I had and she agreed to have someone at my home the next morning at 10:30. I was actually hoping she'd hop in her car and come right over, and I did ask, but she assured me that this morning would be sufficient. I might point out though, that while this is completely logical on her part, she wasn't the one with four lice recently discovered on her kid.

Also, I should note that I never would have seen these lice by inspecting his head. The only reason I found them was because of that comb. Connor had no symptoms (classic ones would have been an itchy head or a red scalp) to give me a clue he had the little buggers on his head.

I combed Helen's hair - though not as thoroughly as Connor's hair since I knew reinforcements were on the way, and found a couple of nits. That made it official that she'd be staying home from school. Then Helen started sobbing, because Helen LOVES school, and it was such a tease to send her yesterday (first day after two weeks off) and then not let her go today. And, to make it worse her friend's birthday was possibly scheduled for today, and missing that would be awful. Luckily, it's actually tomorrow. I called the mom of the birthday boy and asked about the party and when she queried "why do you ask" (she's a reporter for a major newspaper and it is impossible for her not to ask this at any given opportunity) I said "I'll tell you, but let me warn you - what I am about to tell you can never be unheard or unlearned - are you sure you want me to continue". Yes, yes she did. And when I told her, I could actually feel her shiver. She can't say I didn't warn her!

After the kids were in bed, I continued combing and found a louse on Ed's head. I decided it was OK to be freaked out again and was thrilled that I had decided to call someone who knew what they were doing in for help. This morning, when Connor normally would've snuggled up next to me in bed, I told him I'd wake up instead. Having lice on your head can work to your advantage (from Connor's point of view), as it turns out.

This morning, Kara from Lice Happens showed up and found 1 additional louse on Connor's head and one louse on Helen's head. She found 2 - 3 nits on each of their heads as well. She found nothing on my head, Ed's head, or our au pair's head. And here, I have to hand it to my au pair because she was awesome, working this morning when she should've been off AND not freaking out at all.

Because we didn't actually have many lice, and because nobody in my house has long, thick hair - the whole appointment took an hour, which meant it wasn't too hard on the pocketbook - though it certainly wasn't cheap. I'll be submitting the expense to my FSA and getting reimbursed via that. And even though it seems like I probably could've solved this on my own, I would've had a nagging feeling that I missed some AND my head would've been sympathy itching for days, so I'm glad I ponied up the bucks to eradicate the problem. My sanity is worth way more than the price I paid.

I'll be doing follow-up combing for 2 weeks, and hopefully there won't be any new bugs. I'm a lot calmer now than I was when this episode began, and I will now be decreasing my list of parenting challenges that I thought I could absolutely not handle by 1. (Ironically, my friend Vickie and I were chatting about lice over Christmas and I was definitely no way, no how, I am NOT dealing with those gross things.)

So here it is - my ringing endorsement of the company Lice Happens. They have a 24 hour a day lice line (443.510.4480). I hope you never need it.

Elaine

As a side note, I emailed the mom of someone Connor had a playdate with over the weekend even though the likelihood of spread was infinitesimally small, and she replied "I'll check the boys, but I doubt they have it. And don't worry - almost everyone gets these at some point or another". That, in case you don't know, is a very comforting email to read.

Things I Learned From Helen Recently

2012-01-08T23:04:00.001-05:00

At times, Helen has the attention span of a squirrel. Which might, in all honesty, have a very great attention span (they do survive, after all). But to the casual observer, they appear a bit...scattered. I've heard of a squirrel's practice of stocking up nuts under each and every flower, tree, and bush in my yard (but never that giant patch of weeds) as a sort of insurance policy. Insurance against forgetting where they hid the prior nuts. Because the task of remembering that their stockpile lies beneath the wavy grass is just too much, I guess.

And all this? Well, it is Helen.

On Saturday, we went skiing. You see, even though we could have been walking around downtown Arlington in shorts, we went skiing. Back in November, we purchased an Advantage card which gives us a discount on lift tickets at several nearby mountains. It seemed like a sure investment given that it snowed in October! Not so, as it turns out. But because I am from the family I am from - and cannot possibly understand "sunk costs"- we're going to use that card enough to make it worthwhile, no matter what. Even if it's 55 at the mountain.

SNOW! In October!

After a few initial runs, it made sense to split forces. At one point, I found myself skiing with Helen, down a green trail. No, she does not ski, as a matter of fact. But the mere fact that Ed and I think she ought to confine herself to the bunny trail and the magic carpet offends her. So, I decided it was less painful to let her ride the chair lift (which she insists on calling a gondola because clearly, she is a dreamer) and take her down the green trail than listen to all of her grievances about being confined to the magic carpet. Nerves of steel, I do not have.

As we were skiing down the green trail, with Helen in the center of a hula-hoop while I steered her from behind, did she bother focusing on the task at hand? No. Because why bother paying attention and trying to ski, when you can instead tell your mother about:

(1) your internal debate about whether you will marry J. or S. or maybe Jo. (Please let Virginia have gay marriage soon, so I don't have to tell Helen she cannot marry Jo if she wants to get married in Virginia.)

(2) your favorite colors and the favorite colors of all your friends

(3) the reasons that you love Miss Angela

(4) why life might be better if you were an only child and could ditch Connor - and assure your mother that you've talked to Connor about it and it is totally OK with him if he's no longer part of the family

(5) how we really need to have a mom-daughter date night, and perhaps it could include getting another American Girl doll, because apparently having twin Bitty Babies is just not cutting it these days and

(5) how you already know how to ski.

After several runs of this, I instituted a new rule - talking is for the chair lift, er, gondola. Focusing on getting downhill is for ski time. We can take a break on the way down if there's something really important to talk about, but we should both be in a stopped position.

When she's paying attention, she's actually pretty good on skis. Unfortunately, most of the time, she appears a bit scattered. But, the practice of telling me all these random tidbits serves as her insurance for getting bored as she heads down the mountain. Because, you know, she already knows how to ski. Just ask her.

Elaine

First Ski Trip of the Year

2012-01-05T23:24:00.000-05:00

The day after we arrived in Albany, we headed to a tiny mountain / hill outside of Albany. There were two strips of snow - one near the rope tow, and one on a blue trail that went straight down the center of the mountain. In case it is not obvious, the rope tow is terrible, and with kids, it moves to unbearable, which meant we quickly shifted over to the other trail.

Conditions were not great - but I have to hand it to Connor - after a few runs, he seemed as comfortable as ever on the snow. Afterwards, he told us that it was "so much fun"! Now I'm looking forward to our upcoming ski trip over MLK weekend with friends. Helen was not so certain about the experience, but given the conditions and the fact that she doesn't actually know how to ski and that the hula hoop we were going to use to guide her down the mountain broke, I give her a pass. Hopefully conditions will be better when she's next on skis.

Thank You, Santa

2012-01-04T22:06:00.002-05:00

I'm not certain that Connor believes in Santa. A few weeks ago, he was sitting at the table with Helen chatting about Santa, relating all the glory that the fat man is. Abruptly, he paused, looked up at Helen and said "wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense, maybe Mom and Dad just give us our presents". Then, he went back to whatever he was doing before he started telling the story, and the subject never came up again.

On Christmas Eve, Ed and I realized that we had failed to have Grandma Lynn hold back one of the many presents she had purchased for Connor to give as a Santa gift. We were screwed. Except Toys-R-Us was waiting for us and had Ed by the proverbial balls since I sent him off to join the other parents that were scrambling to find gifts for their kids.

Ed did the only thing he could in such a situation - he bought the one gift for Connor that Connor desperately wanted but that we hadn't even asked the grandparents on either side for because it was too frivolous. He bought the Lego cargo train. For Helen, he purchased some more supplies for her illegal daycare, as she had requested a "baby nursery" from Santa - whatever the heck that is. (In case your child ever asks for this, Helen seemed pleased with some baby bunk beds, a baby bathtub, and some plastic feeding supplies). Dagger through my Waldorf heart those gifts were.

On Christmas morning, Connor was both thrilled and surprised. He explained to me that he didn't think he was getting the Lego train because none of the boxes that he helped carry last night were the right size. (Evidence of knowing that Grandma's presents are the same as Santa's presents, perhaps?)

Connor was so thrilled that he later told me he was definitely going to write Santa a thank you note. He planned to thank Santa "at least six times". He composed the following letter, which he gave to Santa a couple of days after Christmas when we rode the Polar Express Train and got a visit from Santa.

"Dear Santa - Thank you for the electric train. I was dying for the electric train. Now I can make a big enormous city. Love, Connor"

This is the kind of stuff that melts my heart.

Elaine

Cherrydale Santa

2012-01-03T20:35:00.005-05:00

Santa sure knows how to make an entrance around these parts. Having missed our usual Santa meeting at our realtor's office, we headed to the volunteer fire department in our neighborhood to catch a peek of the fat man there. He arrived to much fanfare on an antique fire truck. Unfortunately, this is the best photo I have of Ed and the kids hailing his arrival and then him stuck in traffic. After that, my camera died because I failed to charge the battery. For the record, this has never happened before with my Canon D20. That battery lasts forever!

As it turns out, after children sit on Santa's lap and request "lego trains" and "a baby nursery", they get to rifle through a huge pile of gifts and take one home.

Connor chose an electric train.

Helen is nothing, if not clever. I had feared she would bring home another plastic headed baby doll - and she was certainly interested in these. But then she noticed a freakin' pink and purple plastic "laptop" and she knew that the only way she would ever get one of these electronic nightmares was as a gift from Santa. So, like all good politicians, she seized the moment, as I stood there crooning about how cute the plastic headed babies were.

Game. Set. Match. Score 1 for the fatman and Helen.

Helen doesn't play with the toy that often, as she seems to know if it makes me nutty it might have an unfortunate accident and disappear. But she does enjoy saying things like "Daddy, isn't it nice that now EVERYONE in the house has a laptop. Well, except Connor." and "Potter needs to have a playdate with me because he really, really, really wants to see my music computer. He will love it." It wouldn't actually be that bad, except Connor has been able to read the instructions for her so between the two of them, they can make several games appear.

Ugh.

Double Ugh.

Elaine

Starting the New Year with Less Clutter

2012-01-02T22:17:00.001-05:00

Before Ed and I headed off to Albany for Christmas, we collectively decluttered the main floor of our house - except for a few "dumping grounds". We came back from Albany with loads of loot (compliments of Santa and Grandma Lynn) and realized that our current organization system was at its breaking point.

Ed banished himself to the basement where toys go to die in our house, and was able to nearly fill my home office with discards for the next person who walks in my home with a toddler. Don't say you weren't warned. There's loads of floor space now and it is finally an inviting playspace. He removed the storage cabinet doors so they would function as shelves, and now the kids can actually see the toys. Novel idea, I know! These shelves now house the musical instruments and most of the toy cars / planes / tractors, etc. Ed also tossed out all furniture on our patio that we one day hoped to restore. It's never going to happen, and it's embarrassing telling company to please not sit on a particular chair because it can't hold anything that weighs more than Helen (a robust 27 pounds these days).

I took to the main floor of the house and managed to (1) get the illegal daycare center that Helen runs under control; (2) get the building toys onto a hard surface so Connor didn't have to deal with building on carpet; (3) toss out a few bags of trash; (4) move all outside toys to bins in deck - a project accomplished mostly by Connor; and (5) construct a marble run with Connor though admittedly, he ran out of energy for the project before I did.

Behold!

Plan toys, stacked on upper shelves, grocery store near couch, FLOOR SPACE!

Helen's illegal daycare, which has been a baby hospital lately with lots of babies with broken arms. She insisted the "hospital vacuum" be added.

Most of the marble run - more pieces to come!

What you can't see are the neat boxes of legos, trains, and track pieces and the lovely set of shelves with many beautiful handmade toys. Every time I cleared a space, Helen couldn't wait to go play in it - so not only does the house look better, it's way more functional with a lot less stuff! Now, hopefully she doesn't notice how many things were removed!

Happy New Year, all!
Elaine

Helenstyle

2011-12-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

Yes...she left the house this way.

Elaine

Chocolate Fondue

2011-12-22T00:01:00.002-05:00

Helen loves heading to the grocery store with Ed, and almost always she squeezes a treat out of him. Her latest adventure yielded a bunch of strawberries and some dark chocolate to melt all over them. It was a huge hit. It reminded us of a dinner party we once had with friends Helen V. and Alexander. Helen V. loved that fondue pot as much as my Helen. We need to remember to call her next time we break it out!

Elaine

Tree Decorating

2011-12-20T21:03:00.002-05:00

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I pulled the Christmas tree out of the basement, unwrapped the plastic that had warded off dust over the past year, and the kids set about decorating.

We have a lot of ornaments, and Connor and Helen were not about to be satisfied with hanging a number smaller than every single one of them.

Connor requested that we get a star to put atop the tree, so I showed him the Joe Namath ornament that has taken that place annually since my mom gifted the ornament to Ed several years ago. He was not impressed. However, he seems to have forgotten how displeased he was because he has neither requested I get one again, nor has he taken matters into his own hands and made one.

Merry Christmas!
Elaine

Beignets!

2011-12-18T21:38:00.003-05:00

On Thanksgiving morning, we started the day with beignet making - with mix brought straight back from Cafe du Monde. I'm thinking it might be the start of a new tradition. Now...will I remember this next year?

Helen and Connor proved to be able assistants - first rolling and then cutting the dough.

Connor was the more proficient of the two...

but what Helen lacked in skill, she made up for with diligence and style!

Elaine

Noodles and Company Winter Mac and Cheese Dishes Get Thumbs Up

2011-12-16T22:35:00.000-05:00

Most Fridays, Helen and I spend most of the day together. Typically, I ditch her during naptime and go volunteer at Connor's school. But other than that, we're a pair.

Sometimes, we take the opportunity to have a lunch date at some nearby restaurant (once we even went to Connor's school!).

Last Friday, we had the opportunity to taste-test the Noodles and Company "grown-up" mac-and-cheese. Two of the three (Chili Mac and Bacon Mac and Cheeseburger) have meat, so we brought some meat-eating friends along to let us know what they thought. I stuck with the Truffle Mac with Baby Portabella.

I give it the thumbs up.

Helen wasn't going anywhere near that fancy mac and cheese, but she chowed the regular macaroni with fervor! An easy two thumbs up from her.

The chili mac was rated uber-high - enough that my friend took home the leftovers and seemed excited about having them.

Noodles and Company gets food to the table fast (thank you!) and the simplicity of the menu means several choices for not-so-adventurous kids. But...they also add enough spice to the basic dishes that moms don't have to feel like they have to eat kids' food. Bonus!

Elaine

Thank you, Noodles and Company, for the lunch. We all had fun and enjoyed the meal. As disclosed in the post, our food last Friday was free. Opinions are my own (and Helen's and my meat-eating friend).

Helen at School

2011-12-14T00:17:00.000-05:00

Oh blog...how I have neglected thee. Between attending a British Pantomime, getting together with friends, holiday singing parties, the Botanical Gardens and more, I haven't found the time to post. So...I'll post a note about Helen's school. To say she is having a fantastic time this year would be an understatement. She adores both her teachers and loves playing with the other children in the class. She prefers to hang with the boys, but does play with the girls a bit.

Last week, on our way to school, Helen announced that [NEW KID] was going to be her best friend until [J - Old Best Friend who is out of town for the next 3 months] returned. I almost felt like I should warn the little dude. But apparently NEW KID also likes Helen, as his mom emailed tonight seeing if Helen was available for a playdate.

Helen's teacher often sends me snippets about her week. This one was among the funniest.

Discussion today at the snack table-
Helen: I used to live in Missouri
[Friend] says sympathetically: Oh, did you throw up?
Helen: No [Friend], I did not throw up!

Yesterday at the park:
Helen carrying a stick and something that fell from a tree: Ms. A, look I found a brachiosaurus. It doesn't have a nest, so I have to carry around its egg too.
Me: Helen, you could find a nest for it if you want.
Helen: But I didn't see ANY!
Me: Well, you could make him one.
Helen runs over and pushes a few pieces of mulch to one side and runs back
Helen: Ms A LOOK, I found a nest!

Helen was playing mom today in the classroom for a little while. Her daughters were supposed to be sleeping while Santa is coming (which happens to be [Friend2]), and Helen was laying on a playstand pretending to sleep. [Friend2] shows up and is upset that they are not asleep and says "Why are you not asleep? Hoho is here and your eyes should be closed. Hoho is mad at you now" Helen quickly wakes up from her bed and screams "Close your eyes RIGHT NOW! You should be asleep!", then quickly lays back down for Santa (or Hoho).

Her hands were filled to the max with worms today. She could not have fit one more in there. Though I love worms and what they do for our earth, that many crawling around in her hand looked like it belonged in some horror film. It was pretty funny.

I also loved her St Nicholas note to me this week. She was so sweet and proud. She told me it was written down so that I could remember what she got forever.
--For the record, Helen received some paper, some chocolates, and two containers of play-doh.

Wordless Wednesday: Painting Day

2011-12-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Naming

2011-12-05T22:59:00.001-05:00

I remember when Connor was younger and he named objects. His old standby was "Connor". We had Connor-fish, Connor-baby, and a bajillion other things named Connor. The only thing I can recall getting a name other than Connor is the stuffed pug that Grandma Lynn gave Connor for Christmas when he was 2, and Ed jumped in with a name before Connor could bestow a name on the animal.

When I arrived home this afternoon, Connor was at the neighbor's house playing and Helen and her babysitter were in the backyard. I asked Helen what was going on and she informed me that they were looking for "tweeter". Luckily, they had already found "ravioli". Tweeter looks like a rock to most people, but is actually a bunny. Ravioli is a brick red rock that is also a bunny - possibly Tweeter's mom, but maybe just a sibling.

Confused? So was Ed.

Maya the dog and Sylvia the blue baby (which Helen lifted from my parent's home) are sleeping with Helen tonight. Dorothy - one of the Bitty Babies that Grandma Lynn gave Helen for her 4th birthday, is downstairs this evening with her unnamed brother.

Is this a girl-boy thing, or is it random? Strangely (at least to me), Connor seems much less self-centered than Helen.

Elaine

Connor Finds Religion...Again

2011-12-05T08:59:00.001-05:00

When Connor was 3, he announced he'd like to go to church. The next year, he received a bible at the County Fair - and actually refused to go to another fair unless I promised he'd get another bible.

On Friday morning, Connor requested I read Noah and the Ark to him, which is a book he and his last babysitter picked up in the "free books" section of the public library. This book goes on endlessly, and is not shortened at all for children. The first time Ed read the book to Connor, Connor looked at Ed as if he were telling a ridiculous story. Now? He was so annoyed at me that I was making pancakes for him rather than reading that he defiantly sat down on his little blue couch and started plugging through the book, only occasionally asking me what a word was. At about page four, he hailed Helen over and said to her "Helen, you need to pay attention. I'm reading a story from the REAL BIBLE! It's important." And that afternoon, he brought home the following homework paper. I am thankful for...and he had to fill in the blank. The word he filled in? "God"

Is someone trying to send his mama a message?

Elaine

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 30 - Never Make a Bet With Your Wife While Drinking

2011-11-30T23:13:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

I wasn't sure how I was going to round this out. I had originally intended to use yesterday's post idea as the finale, but yesterday, I drew a blank, and had to use it. Then, I figured I'd sum up all the other nuggets, but that seems a little daunting at this point. Luckily, opportunity struck.

Tonight, Ed and I were out ~~drinking~~ listening to music at one of our favorite Wednesday night hangouts. And lo' and behold, we had a disagreement. It was completely trivial, but for whatever reason, Ed doubted me. Really. I know. Hard to imagine.

And so he decided we'd settle the issue and said "what will you bet". So I responded "I'll bet anything, because I am right". But he didn't back down. So I said "laundry for a week". And he said "that's not fair" because he realized if he was right, he wouldn't actually win anything since I already do all the laundry (even though he's technically in charge of sheets and towels... Thank GAWD my mom visited last week and did all the towels or I might be using a dish cloth to dry my nether regions after a shower at this point). Anyway, I allowed him to name something else, which he did. Then I told him, "we can call the bet off, I am right". And he, thinking he had a prayer of winning, declined my very generous offer.

That was a huge mistake.

And...just so it is in writing, all of the laundry in the house is currently done. It must all be done next Wednesday night, in order for Ed to fulfill his (losing) end of the bet.

Elaine

(Just in case you were curious, a king sized bed is twice the width of a single bed.)

Thank you, Therese, for once again inspiring this march through November. As always, it's been a fun challenge.

Building a worldview:

Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure
Day 23: Always Have a Dream
Day 24: Give Thanks
Day 25: Develop Your Own Sense of Style - and Own It!
Day 26: Always Have the Ingredients for Chocolate Chip Cookies on Hand
Day 27: Take Advantage of Unseasonably Warm Days
Day 28: Don't Do Too Much When You Have a Head Cold
Day 29: Trust Yourself
Day 30: Never Make a Bet With Your Wife While Drinking or You Might End up Doing Laundry for a Week

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 29 - Trust Yourself

2011-11-29T13:50:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

Dear Helen and Connor,

By the time you read this, you'll likely be heading towards adulthood. You'll have been given advice from anyone and everyone, and the really hard part is probably going to be sorting it all out. Smart people who you trust will disagree. Someone you love will be wrong. And always, circumstances are changing. And that means I could write the most detailed guidebook in the world, but in the end, it would be insufficient for more than the most basic of existences. You will, above all, have to find a way to trust yourself.

I could point out lots of disagreements in my own life, but I think it would serve only to bring up past wounds and the opportunity for an "I told you so" or two - from me or the other party involved. It's enough to let you know that I struggle. Everyone with a heart struggles.

A former boss of mine once told me, when discussing a well-known scholar "We disagree with Scholar, but I think the important thing is recognizing that Scholar wants the same thing you and I do. Scholar wants to make the world a better place. We just disagree on how to do that. And the truth is, the problems are so vast, neither one of us knows whose path will work best." I've tried to hold that in my heart as I've disagreed with people over the years. And for me, this has made life a lot easier to tolerate. I assume the best of my political opponents - and I hope you can do that, too. Having said this, I will also guarantee that you will disagree with someone, present the facts as you see them, they will not have an answer, they will lie, and they will use that lie to remain unconvinced. This will likely infuriate you, as it does me. Trust yourself, and keep moving.

The good news is that lots of times it will be easy to trust yourself. You'll have a room full of people surrounding you, cheering you on. If you're lucky, you'll have a loved one, friend, or advisor who will talk things through with you and be your rock. But occasionally, your back will be against the wall - and you will know, deep down, the right thing to do. I implore you, Connor and Helen, when that moment happens - trust yourself. Even if it means opposing your own mother, trust yourself and do what is right. Because in the end, you will have to live with yourself and the decisions you make, just as I live with my decisions.

Love,
Mommy

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure
Day 23: Always Have a Dream
Day 24: Give Thanks
Day 25: Develop Your Own Sense of Style - and Own It!
Day 26: Always Have the Ingredients for Chocolate Chip Cookies on Hand
Day 27: Take Advantage of Unseasonably Warm Days

Day 28: Don't Do Too Much When You Have a Head Cold

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 28 - Don't do too much when you have a head cold

2011-11-28T21:11:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.
It's not that I have no more blathering on to do this month, it's that all the thoughts are stuck in my nose and can't get up to my brain to get out to the keyboard.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure
Day 23: Always Have a Dream
Day 24: Give Thanks
Day 25: Develop Your Own Sense of Style - and Own It!
Day 26: Always Have the Ingredients for Chocolate Chip Cookies on Hand
Day 27: Take Advantage of Unseasonably Warm Days

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 27 - Take Advantage of Unseasonably Warm Days

2011-11-27T22:15:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

It is in the 70s here at the end of November. That is ridiculously warm, particularly given that we had snow in October this year.

We spent Friday at Longwood Gardens with my parents, and though we had figured we be there for a few hours and then head to Stausburg to ride the train, we never left. How could we? It was gorgeous.

Yesterday, we finally got all the leaves raked and the beds mulched for winter, and today the kids rode bikes, played in the yard, and dug for dinosaurs in this very messy game Connor received for his birthday.

Not a photo was taken these past few days but trust me, our yard needed these extra warm days, and we definitely took advantage of them! Feels like borrowed time!

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure
Day 23: Always Have a Dream
Day 24: Give Thanks
Day 25: Develop Your Own Sense of Style - and Own It!
Day 26: Always Have the Ingredients for Chocolate Chip Cookies on Hand

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 26 - Always Have the Ingredients for Chocolate Chip Cookies On Hand

2011-11-26T23:38:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

Sometimes, either one or both of my children need some down-time and can't figure out how to provide it for themselves.

Sometimes, either one or both of my children need something homemade to make them feel a little bit special.

Sometimes, we've gotten into a rut with dinner, and we need to do something really different to break out of it.

And sometimes, I just want a chocolate chip cookie which always brings back lots of great memories for me.

For all of these times, I turn to my cabinets and start assembling, or having my children assemble, the needed ingredients. We then take turns mixing everything together, and then my tasters set to work to make sure the batter is delicious, or "perfecto", as Helen has taken to saying. Often, I'll bake a few at the end of a meal, if the oven is already hot.

Here's my recipe, which I got out of the Potomac Crescent Waldorf School newsletter a few years ago. It is, by far, the best chocolate chip cookie recipe I've ever come across and I have shared it a lot, after people try the cookies.

Enjoy!

Magical Stove Top Chocolate Chip Cookies
(recipe makes about 18 large cookies or 24 medium sized cookies)

Ingredients:
12 oz butter
1 cup dark brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 whole egg
1 egg yolk
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
2 cups plus 2 T flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
12 oz chocolate chips (I almost always use dark chocolate Ghiradelli chips)

Mix & Chill:
1. melt butter over low hear in large saucepan or dutch oven, remove pan from heat.
2. whisk in sugars until mixed thoroughly
3. whisk in egg, yolk, and vanilla
4. pour flour, salt, and baking sode on top of mixture and mix with rubber spatula
5. add chocolate chips and stir until combined (works best if chocolate chips are frozen!)
6. scrap dough into a lidded container and refrigerate for an hour or so

Bake:
1. prehean over to 325 F and adjust racks to middle position.
2. line baking sheets with parchment
3. take a scant 1/4 cup of dough and form into a ball, then break the ball in half and smuch together sideways, leaving the broken faces pointing upward
4. bake 12 - 14 minutes
5. coll on a sheet as long as you can stand it

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure
Day 23: Always Have a Dream
Day 24: Give Thanks
Day 25: Develop Your Own Sense of Style - and Own It!

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 25 - Develop Your Own Sense of Style - and Own It!

2011-11-25T21:55:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

This piece of advice comes straight from Helen, and it's one of the things I love about her. Develop your own sense of style and own it.

When I was in college, one of my incredibly creative friends always had one piece of her outfit that did not "go". She did not care. She was among the most beautiful people I've ever known - both because she is fantastic looking AND because she's extremely thoughtful and nice.

Helen has never met her, but I feel they are soul sisters. Helen prefers to choose her own clothing, and most people would look completely ridiculous, but somehow Helen pulls it off.

Take this outfit, for example. Helen traipsed all over Longwood Gardens today in it. And for every person that stared at her, wondering who dressed this child, she just smiled, soaking in all the attention. And then sending them some bit of cheer.

This outfit consists of the new pink pants and denim dress that my parents gave Helen, although I'm certain they did not intend for them to be worn simultaneously. She must have seen the yellow bandanna last night before bed, because she insisted Ed tie it to her head and she's had it on now for 24 hours.

As an aside, Helen has also taught a lot of people in the past few days about asking a child if they were either going to or had a big turkey dinner. "No! I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat turkey. My mom and brother are also vegetarians so they also do not eat turkey. We eat other things for Thanksgiving." And today she added "I had a chocolate turkey for Thanksgiving!" to her script. People do not know how to respond to this.

Nearly every day, Helen chooses clothing that are both bright and mismatched, and it is so clearly her personal style that I almost look at her funny when I manage to wrangle her into matching clothes. I've started to think these mismatched beauties look fantastic, though I'm not certain I could pull them off. Such a bounce she has in her step. I wonder, is it because she has developed her own sense of style and truly owns it?

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure
Day 23: Always Have a Dream
Day 24: Give Thanks

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 24 - Give Thanks

2011-11-24T15:35:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

This piece of advice, like many of the others, pretty much goes without saying - give thanks! And so I give you my almost annual Thanksgiving letter.

This year, more than anything else, I'm thankful for great health, outside of my kidney stone episode at the beginning of the year. Both Connor and Helen continue to enjoy extremely good health, battling nothing more than a couple of colds and ear infections this year. Oh yeah, and the strange puking incidents that left us baffled, but ultimately resulted only in eliminating mussels from our diets. I'm very aware we're getting off super easy in the illness department, and I start every day by taking a moment to be grateful for this.

I am also thankful for long summer days spent at the swimming pool, Connor's fearlessness on the diving board and Helen's endless laughter at the pool. That pool provides more entertainment for our family than anything else in the summer - often filling both afternoon and evening hours.

Thank you, Coach Bobby, for making the diving team the most fun children's activity our family has ever been a part of. We're looking forward to many more years. Next summer, I'm confident Connor will finally complete that back flip.

I'm still thankful for the proliferation of fancy cupcake stores in the area, and for the creative concoctions that keep being produced. Look what I brought home from Sprinkles, yesterday!

2 salted caramels, 1 cranberry orange, 1 cinnamon sugar for Connor, 1 dark chocolate for Helen, and 1 chocolate peanut butter chip - my favorite.

I'm thankful for fantastic meals (our Thanksgiving consisted of a salt-encrusted red snapper, potatoes Anna, mushroom-orzo stuffing, Brussels sprouts, and flourless chocolate cakes) and family to share them with. I'm also thankful for Miriam's Kitchen and other places like it, who keep many people in my area fed and warm. I hope the economy turns around soon so that fewer people will be in such a fragile state in the near future.

Helen breaking into the fish.

Yummm....roasted brussels sprouts and potatoes Anna.

I make ill-fated cheese runs to Arrowine like frat boys make runs to the beer store at 2 in the morning. Last night was no exception. Helen and I made it into the store with 5 minutes to spare, grabbed a bottle of pink bubbly and three fantastic cheeses. Not a person eating dinner today had room for that cheese - but we all did our best.

I'm thankful for a few recent evenings spent in the pottery studio, good company when I'm there, and lectures that continue to inspire. The world is a tremendously beautiful place.

I'm thankful for grandparents who babysit so I can go out of town.

And grandparents who bail me out when my childcare falls through.

I'm thankful for my kids. They've shown me the world in a whole new light - and that light is bright, and fun, and really good.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. And that this starts a year of giving thanks daily.
Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure
Day 23: Always Have a Dream

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 23 - Always Have a Dream

2011-11-23T20:39:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

Recently, I had new business cards printed. I had a small stack of old cards that I gifted to the kids. They were thrilled, of course. They set about to turning the cards into their own by flipping them over and drawing.

Connor started out be deciding he was a pet store owner. I was hoping this would serve as handwriting practice for the little dude, but he cheated.

As itturns out, one of my children’s dreams are a little more practical than theother one – surprising no one. And neither of my children dream of being aneconomist. What is wrong with them?

Connor? He's a police officer, firefighter, and pilot. Solid. I'm glad he got the little boy conformist message. (not really)

He’salso a garbage truck (driver) and a construcshin (construction worker). Bonuspoints to Connor for the big word, even if it isn’t spelled in a traditionalmanner. He's working hard at reading and writing and he's getting more adventurous of late.

Helen? Well, as it turns out, Helen would like to be a tour guide at the Washington Monument (pictured as a line below - the rest of the stuff is her name, in case you couldn't tell).

She's also a race car driver. See the four wheels?

Other plans include being a babysitter, a swim teacher, a pet store owner, and I'm really not sure what else.

Afterdesigning the cards, Connor made a business card printer.

I'm not sure I wholeheartedly endorse all of the career paths my children are laying out, but I do appreciate that it's fun to dream.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out
Day 22: Turn Trash Into Treasure

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 22 - Turn Trash Into Treasure

2011-11-22T23:36:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.
For about 3 years, we've been planning to install some stumps for the kids to play on in our backyard. The idea comes from the playground at Helen's school. At our old house, we went so far as to retrieve a whole bunch of stumps from our neighbor after his tree had broken in 2 during a particularly windy storm. Those stumps ended up conveying with the house - as did the dead mouse in the shed, which the new owners called to ask me to remove. Um, no, I actually didn't want to bring that with me - but thanks for the offer!

A few weeks ago, a neighbor about a block away had an enormous tree removed from his yard. I asked if we could have the stumps from the large pile in front of his house and he told me I could take anything I wanted - but that others were interested and the waste removal company was coming on Wednesday. We rounded the corner, got our gardening gloves, and then started pilfering his stumps.

We also took a bunch of logs that are skinny enough the kids can move and build with. I'm looking forward to seeing what they make of all this. My neighbor's trash - my treasure!

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Day 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans
Day 21: Let Your Friends Bail You Out

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 21 - Let Your Friends Bail You Out

2011-11-21T23:14:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

Friend and fellow blogger over at Thrift Store Mama is bailing me out today. We've spent many hours bouncing ideas off each other. She's writing today about balance, and how to find it. I could easily title her post "Find Balance In Your Life". And, just as my friend states below, balance is not her initial reaction to new information. Instead, she's one of these people who try and learn as much as possible about something, breathing the new thing in daily. This, for the record, can be very inspiring.

So...enjoy! And check out my friend's blog when you get a chance. She's a hoot - I promise! In the post below, Beezus refers to her older daughter and Mr. Q. refers to her husband. As background, we met when our children were infants so she's one of my friends who truly holds those early days of Connor's. I watched her oldest daughter take her first steps - and I remember it being so crazy like "did she just do that?" and then looking at my friend with tears in her eyes. It was possibly more moving that watching my own children's first steps.

Thank you, Thrift Store Mama! I've enjoyed our ride together and look forward to the next 6 or more years! You've been a walking advice column for me many times over.

Achieving Balance Between a Waldorf Lifestyle and the Demands/Influences of the Rest of the World

I was exposed to the concepts of the Waldorf pedagogy when Beezus was around 3. I stumbled across a non-profit organization called the Alliance for Childhood and their writings REALLY jived with me. As I tend to do with new things, I over-did it at first. My sisters and husband can attest to this idiosyncrasy of mine! For a while, I read anything I could get my hands on about Waldorf, visited a local Waldorf school, and purchased Waldorf toys and books. I plotted reorganizing my work schedule and our family budget so that Beezus could attend a Waldorf school. During a visit to a Waldorf school with Mr. Q, I won him over to my side and he agreed to move forward with getting Beezus into this Waldorf School.

After a few months the time came to either apply or not. We just couldn't seem to make it happen - between the logistics required to make it work with my part-time job, the tuition, and the stress that both of those previous considerations would have on our family life, it just wasn't meant to be.

But I found that I could implement some of the Waldorf teachings into our home and yet at the same time, I also admitted to myself that there were some aspects of a Waldorf education that I didn't see as completely necessary. What we wound up with was a lovely balance of some of the aspects of the Waldorf education that I could wholeheartedly support, along with the ease of family life that came with having Beezus enrolled in a pre-school that is 3/4 of a mile from our house.

Some of these teachings we had already implemented in our home - our children already watched very limited TV and through exposure to a Montessori parent-child class and my sister's Reggio-Emilia classroom, we had organized, uncluttered spaces for the girls’ toys. But as for the rest, here is how we implemented an approach to have the Waldorf pedagogy incorporated into our family life:

· Rhythm. It looks like a schedule and parts of the rhythm are derived from a schedule, but the difference between a rhythm and a schedule (at least in my words) is that a schedule comes from external forces and a rhythm comes from internal forces. (But don't get me wrong, I also have lots and lots of schedules to help me run our home.) This family rhythm encompasses following the same routine as we greet each day, every day, whether a weekday or a weekend. It encompasses predictability among what we eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (this makes cooking at home and meal planning SO easy). It encompasses a schedule for what types of clothes are worn on which days, depending on the activities at school or after school.

· Little TV. Our children watch an average of 20-30 minutes of TV per day. Some days they watch a little more, some days they watch none. Waldorf encourages no TV for young children.

· Childhood is protected. Our children are protected from the harsher realities of the adult (and teen/tween) world. They only watch age appropriate TV - no Disney/Nick tween shoes and nothing that has any scary parts. If they come out of their bedroom while I’m watching GLEE or the Real Housewives of Wherever, I quickly pause and mute!

· Live theater & storytelling. Yet, they see a tremendous amount of live children's theater - I would guess between 5 and 8 shows per year. They are able to switch in and out of make believe when it is live theater, but trying to watch a movie is dreadful. Case in point, they totally handled the stage production of Charlotte's Web, but absolutely cannot watch the movie. We've tried. We try to always attend the festivals at local Waldorf schools, so that they can see the puppet/marionette shows, and they've attended over local puppet/marionette shows as well.

· Childhood is safe. Our children do not learn or hear about adult topics that don't directly concern them. They do not see the newspaper or hear/see the news, whether on the radio or on the TV. I don't want them to hear that people die in car accidents or in airplanes. But when the neighbor's pets die, or when our own pets died, yes, then we talked about death. A lot. When the priest who married us was sick and dying, and then when he died, they knew about that. But we only answered their questions and tried not to provide additional information. We are completely inflexible and unyielding on this.

· Imaginary play. We let our children play, and play, and play. We try not to interfere when they are immersed in play and if they are really involved in play and I need to go to the grocery store or something and there's no way around it, I try to work it in to their play.

My friend's younger daughter puts on a drum show, similar to one she saw at a folk festival.

Found objects provide the perfect opportunity for a classroom.
Beware! Children partaking in uninterrupted play outside.

· Order. All of the girls toys and materials are organized. ALL of them. This is really more of a Montessori and Reggio-Emilia approach, but I think the order helps keep the rhythm of the Waldorf day.

· Rhythm of nature. As the seasons change, we talk a lot about them. When Beezus says she is cold, I answer that yes, she is cold because it is fall.

· Light. We are a religious family so the presence of light (and of THE LIGHT) is part of our family rhythm. Although I dread the shortening days for my own mental health (self diagnosed seasonal affective disorder) I love that it gives the opportunity to discuss the coming light of the winter solstice and/or the light of Jesus.

In other areas, we don't stick to the letter of the Waldorf teachings.

· We have plastic toys and materials in our home.

· Although the girls do a LOT of coloring, they don't do a lot of painting or other art.

· As they have gotten older, we have sometimes been less mindful of the rhythm of the middle of our day, rushing from one activity to another without the opportunity to have some downtime in-between.

· Our children watch TV.

· We let the girls listen to pop/rock music from the 60s and 70s and they also occasionally hear music from the radio.

I’m sure there are lots of other things we do that aren’t necessarily part of the Waldorf teachings. I offer that up as an all-encompassing disclaimer.

When people are passionate about something, it’s often hard to find a balance. Some of the questions I ask myself when considering something in order to achieve a balance is:

· Is it necessary?

· Is it a one-time thing?

· Will it have a profound and or long lasting impact?

Overall, I’m pleased with the balance we have achieved in this area. There are a couple areas for improvement, but I think we’re able to walk a good line.

So - from me you have "Let Your Friends Bail You Out" - thank you, friend. It wasn't until I had almost finished posting this that I came up with an idea for today. It was nice to use yours instead. And from my friend you have "Find Balance In Your Life".

Elaine

Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends
Da7 20: Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 20 - Never Be a Volunteer at a Street Show in New Orleans

2011-11-20T21:41:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.

This is a piece of advice that I can proudly say I followed this past weekend.

A few years ago, Ed and I went to New Orleans with friends Jim and Kellee. At one point, we were in the French Quarter, in front of the big church there, and a man was preparing to tie himself up. This is an act that needs volunteers - and Kellee and I had drunk enough by this point (noon, maybe?) that we were more than happy to volunteer as assistants. Ed and Jim looked on telling us we were ridiculous and it was a terrible idea. What do they know, right?

Turns out - and I assure you this hurts to admit - Ed and Jim know a lot - at least on this particular issue.

There Kellee and I were, with a certifiably whacky guy telling us to tie the chains TIGHTER. And he was croaking it out, as if he could no longer breathe. Then, he told me where the chain cutters were and admonished me to not use them unless he had been lying there for a substantial amount of time and appeared to not be breathing.

What? My eyes bugged out of my head. No, if you show any signs of death, I'm chopping. We argued a bit, but I wasn't going to spend my night in the pokey over this. Kellee and I wound the dude up in chain after chain, pulled them tight, felt absolutely awful about it, and really, could barely continue. But...we had promised the guy we'd tie him up and we were trying very hard not to disappoint.

Kellee and I had to go and boil ourselves afterwards. But luckily, the man did not die, he escaped, and then we escaped. And for the rest of the trip, Ed and Jim mocked us mercilessly.

Yesterday, Ed and I were in the French Quarter, and I had the opportunity to volunteer to be in another street performer's show. But I resisted. I think Ed was a little surprised, but in the end, it was a good thing. No feeling icky afterwards and no mocking from Ed. I definitely recommend never volunteering at a street show in New Orleans.

Elaine

Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse
Day 17: Understand the Price of Success
Day 18: Question Everything
Day 19: Drink Great Wine with Old Friends

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 19 - Drink Great Wine with Old Friends

2011-11-19T21:37:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - as it comes up.
Total Facebook score. A friend of mine from my college days showed up on Facebook a couple of months ago. Turns out, he's in New Orleans - and I was already planning on heading to New Orleans for work. (Anyone want to guess what I do for a living?) So I asked him if he wanted to get together and yes, he did. So he picked Ed and I up at the hotel room on Saturday night and took us to a fantastic neighborhood restaurant. Clancy's did not disappoint. Nor did the wine. If you're ever in New Orleans, I highly recommend it. Just close your eyes when the bill comes and hand it to your partner!

Elaine

Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse

Day 17: Understand the Price of Success

Day 18: Question Everything

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 18 - Question Everything

2011-11-18T22:56:00.001-05:00

Sending a childto school requires an enormous amount of trust. It also requires a parent tostep back and decide how information from home will fit in with informationprovided by the schools. I adore Connor’s teacher for a million reasons. But,she’s confined to teach in the system she’s in – so let me be clear that thebelow isn’t a criticism of her, it’s a criticism of the entire educationsystem.

Around ColumbusDay, I had a child coming home telling me that Christopher Columbus discoveredAmerica. At this point, I have to decide – do I correct the little dude, or doI make his life easy and go along with his excitement?

It will surprise no one who knows me that the next sentence out of my mouth was“Connor – that is impossible. Did Mrs. H. mention that there were alreadypeople living here when Christopher Columbus and his wayward ship landed here”.Yes, yes she did. “So you see, it is not possible that Christopher Columbusdiscovered America.” I realize that I’ve now set in Connor’s mind the notionthat his primary out-of-the-home educator is fallible. But I’ve hopefullytaught him that you have to take in all the information, and make judgmentcalls.

My otherresponse to situations such as these is to ask Connor questions. Does theevidence given support the statement he’s making? Or is it possible thatsomething else is at play?

I never know howbig of an impression I make until the following happens.

In a book aboutdinosaurs that Connor has been reading, there’s a passage about a particulardinosaur roaming in packs. We know this, the book portends, because many, manyfootprints have been found in the same area.

Connor’sresponse? Maybe that means there were dinosaurs traveling in packs. Maybe itmeans that one dinosaur just ran around a lot and made lots of lots of trackson its own. Can I just remind you that Connor is 6? SIX! I used to say thatlanguage development was my favorite parenting phase, but I’m going to changethat to developing critical thinking skills. This is going to be good.

So…take it fromConnor. Question everything.

Elaine

Day 17: Understand the Price of Success

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 17 - Understand the Price of Success

2011-11-17T22:38:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.

Before you start anything, I think it's important to understand the price of success.

I work in a very male dominated profession. I've been super lucky to have loads of mentors that helped me out along the way. It used to be that I'd meet high ranking women in my profession during bathroom breaks. We were, after all, a small crowd. I still remember when a woman who I admire a lot told me she thought my suit looked fantastic and later this turned into a somewhat productive work relationship.

Today, I'm at a conference. I walked into a line in the bathroom. The woman behind me, possibly the most respected woman in the field said "Wow! I guess this is the price of success. Looks good to me!"

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm
Day 14: Sometimes, you just have to ask.
Day 15: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Day 16: Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 16 - Stop Things from Going from Bad to Worse

2011-11-16T13:41:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.

I have a horrible habit, many, actually. I'm not going tell you what it (they) is (are) because this particular habit that's weighing on me right now embarrasses me terribly. And I can explain this piece of advice without the details. AND, if I gave you the details, someone would just to talk me out of my thinking it's so bad, and that's not what I need right now. What I need to do, is stop the habit. Completely.

Here's the thing, I realized that I do this habit, feel guilty about it, and then do it some more. An analogy would be - and this is not my problem - I ignored the alarm in the morning. And then, rather than getting up when I realized I had ignored the alarm, I rolled back over in bed to sleep some more to comfort myself because I felt bad about ignoring the alarm. And in the end, I felt even worse as I ended up sleeping in even later. Get it? The thing that I hate doing provides me great comfort, so when I feel crappy, I do it. I hate that. I really hate that. I'm trying to stop the habit but I feel helpless because I developed the habit because it makes me feel better.

I've known I've had this problem for a while. And I've tried to kick this habit but it is just very difficult. It has taken a while to figure out how to get rid of it. So here's what I did. Every time I engaged in the behavior, I admonished myself "stop going from bad to worse". And that reminder, which I gave myself often, is helping, though I haven't quite kicked the habit.

I will though. I can tell I'm close.

This applies to lots of things. Stop making things go from bad to worse.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 15 - Loose Lips Sink Ships

2011-11-15T21:48:00.001-05:00

This evening, Helen flashed a smile to me at dinner and related the following tale.

Today at snack, I was trying to trick Miss A., so I started coughing so much that she would think I was sick. Then P. started coughing, too, and we were both coughing so, so much that we were definitely tricking Miss A. Then C started coughing too, but not that much. So Miss A. turned our chairs around at the snack table. Then we had to move away from the snack table because P. and I were still coughing so much. Then, we had to go and find our golden manners. Mine were hiding behind the curtain. Then I came back to the snack table but I wasn't coughing anymore.

I never would've known about any of this, except Miss Chattypants can't keep anything to herself. Although by the way she told the story, I'm not even sure it dawned on her that she might be in trouble.

Loose lips sink ships.

Helen has been busy with her make-up kit as well.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 14 - Sometimes, You Just Have to Ask

2011-11-14T12:43:00.001-05:00

The five first grade classes at Connor's school have an inner-grade mail system. On Thursday, Connor received his first piece of mail. I was from P, a girl in his class who seems quite nice.

"Connor i am glad you are in my clos"

This morning, I volunteered in Connor's class. Connor completed the scheduled activity with a few minutes to spare, and so he excitedly ran over to the mailbox to fill his spare time. He grabbed a postcard, looked across the desks to see how to spell P's name, and then wrote on the card:

"P - plees send a note to my" (he meant to write "me" for the last word).

Connor was thrilled to be sending something through the mail system, and definitely a little nervous about it. I thought it could've been a little more meaningful, perhaps telling P. something nice, or asking if she wanted to play with him at recess, or any number of things. But, I guess "sometimes, you just have to ask" for what you want. No need to mince words, I guess.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.
Day 12: Take Breaks
Day 13: Establish a Realistic Rhythm

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 13 - Establish a Realistic Rhythm

2011-11-13T21:45:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.

The best gift my mother ever gave me was showing me how to establish a rhythm in a household. I'm guessing it came so naturally to her, she neither worked at it nor knew she was doing it. Although there were a couple of tasks that slid regularly, almost everything got done every week, or as needed. For example, sheets were changed on Thursday, rooms were cleaned on Friday (or Saturday). Homework was finished before heading outside and bedtime was not to be missed. Laundry seemed to be a near daily task.

It's taken me a long time to get into my own groove. In part, I used to think that waiting until the last minute was efficient! It's when I got my best work done! After all, why bother washing today when you might be able to wait a week and do it then, although it would often mean wearing things I didn't want to wear, things that were slightly off-season, or things that simply weren't appropriate - just because that's what was clean.

I have finally figured out a system that gets everything done - and doesn't rely on the weekends to do it. It may have taken a while, but I finally realized that Ed and I are often gone on the weekends, so counting on that time to do a regular task, rather than an optional task, was a recipe for being behind. By the end of our weekend away, I'd be anxious about what didn't get done, and ultimately didn't enjoy being away as much as I should have enjoyed it.

It's also enabled me to build a great rhythm for Connor and Helen, which I credit for the almost never tantrums in our home, and seems to work in general. There are still a few tasks that need working in, and a few habits to change (though finally, after living out of my parents' home for 20 years, I have turned the corner and now make my bed daily), but mostly, things are getting done. The best reason I can recommend developing a rhythm for daily life is that one need only worry about a few tasks daily, rather than always having a task looming overhead. For example, Wednesday is laundry day in my house, Thursday is folding day. I don't worry about the laundry getting done - no matter how big the pile - any day except Wednesday. It's been really freeing!

And this weekend? It left the freedom to enjoy the heated cabins at Bull Run.

Connor carefully sets out a bunch of nuts to see if squirrels are still running around.

After a two mile hike for Connor and me (and a nap for Helen and Ed), it was time for art. The tortoise actually turned out pretty cool, with some nice layered colorwork on the back of the turtle.

Time to hang with Dad.

Quick! Pose with the cannons!

At first, walking with the Ranger during a tour was very interesting.

Later, it was boring, though it did yield a little time to weave blades of grass. Chip off the old block, that girl is.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 12 - Take Breaks!

2011-11-12T18:00:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview.

I'm following my advice and camping in the woods tonight. Hope you're enjoying this perfect fall weekend as well.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child
Day 10: Consume the best chocolate you can
Day 11: Help your neighbor.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 11 - Help Your Neighbor

2011-11-11T13:25:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview.

It's almost irrestibale not to pass along a piece of advice Connor gave me in the car today "don't join the military". His reasoning was sound, for sure, but since it's Veteran's Day, I'll take inspiration from my children and instead, today's piece of advice is to help your neighbor.

Helen and Connor love to tackle a mulch pile, so our neighbor came over to borrow a wheelbarrow last night, they wanted to know the purpose. And wow were they delighted to wake up this morning to see two piles of mulch still sitting across the street in the driveway.

Immediately after getting home from a playdate at the Botanical Gardens, they went to our shed and retrieved their shovels and wheelbarrows. They trounced across the street and let our neighbor know that they were ready to help. He smiled and told them he could use all they help they were ready to give.

They've been having a ball over there - and I must say, I do think they're more help than hindrance at this point.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 10 - Consume the Best Chocolate You Can

2011-11-10T23:46:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview.

#10. Consume the Best Chocolate You Can

I've eaten a lot of chocolate in my life. I've taken classes on making truffles more than once and replicated the feat at home many times. Whenever friends visit Paris, I tell them they must visit Jean-Paul Hevin. I don't know for certain this is the best chocolate in France, but I do know a colleague of mine who is a true foodie went on a chocolate tour of Europe and came back talking about this shop. When Ed and I went to Paris, I bought a box of French macaroons from this place (along with a fair amount of dark chocolate) and ate one after I collapsed at our various hotels every night. We were biking across the Loire Valley and I was in serious want of a sweet treat to match the incredible sites we'd seen that day and to top of the mounds of cheese I consumed with every dinner. I was not disappointed.

In my way of thinking - if you're going to consume the calories that come with chocolate - and I am going to do just that - you might as well get the good stuff. Plus, because the good stuff costs so much more than Hershey's or any of the other low-rent chocolates, I tend to not eat them to excess. I want to enjoy every morsel.

Best hot chocolate mix ever is sold at Artisan Confections in Arlington, Virginia. Helen is quite familiar with their offerings, and even when compared to the high-end grocery store mix, she'll choose this every time.

Mmmm...I think I'll go have a cup before bed now.

And check out the cup! Loaded with beauty. I wasn't kidding when I said I used handmade pottery all the time.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short
Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child

NaBloPoMo Advice Column Day 9: Take a Lesson From Your Child - Inspired by Expecting Adam

2011-11-09T22:29:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.

Little people. They're so easy to discard. The messages get mixed up, the words tumble out full of emotion, the skill set can be admittedly limited. But underneath it all, I've found a layer of simplicity that helps me rethink the world.

Yesterday, I came home from work and Connor told me he'd been out collecting things for his homework. He was supposed to find leaves, nuts, seeds, flying seeds, pods, and other goodies falling from the trees this time of year. He hadn't been able to find any of the items in a couple of categories, and he was semi-distressed about this. So I told him to grab his coat and hat, we had about 45 minutes of reliable daylight left (stupid daylight savings time) so we better get on it.

There I was, scanning the lists of items trying to remember if I'd seen a sweet gumball in the neighborhood (remembering that Aunt Linda has a plethora of these all up and down her street). Did our neighbor have a tree shedding pods? What about the alley, would it be good for a black walnut? Connor and Helen ran in front, instantly making a game of their freedom. They came upon a pile of leaves and all of a sudden it was "raining" and wow, was that fun. But you know what? I would've missed it all, nose to the grindstone, if not for them. Sometimes it's nice to stop and enjoy the leaves.

Another thing I've been thinking about a lot with respect to Connor is he wakes up happy. Really happy. Every day. It doesn't matter what the weather is, what he's supposed to do that day, or what task got left unfinished before bed last night. I hear him bound down the stairs, and then he smiles and greets me, almost daring me to not have a great day. Because morning? It is here.

And these past few days I've gotten a good laugh because he's awakened to see sunlight, but his "wake-up" light is not on yet. So, believing that the wake-up light is broken, he puts the monitor right to his mouth and says "why isn't the wake-up light on" or "the sun is up" or something else - which makes Ed about hit the ceiling because it is so freakin' loud. I'm typically brushing my teeth in the next room, so it's not so alarming to me, just funny. Stupid daylight savings time.

The lesson in all of this? Sometimes I need to take a lesson from my kids. For most of the past few weeks, I've been making a habit of getting up before Connor, so that I'm more ready for his energy. I'm hoping it becomes a habit.

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.
Day 8: Don't Let Anyone Sell You Short

Disclosure: As a member of the From Left to Write book club, I received a free copy of the book Expecting Adam. I thought it was a well written, enjoyable read. I'm not at a place where I can believe everything in this book, but at the same time, I'm not actually doubting it happened. I recommend it.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column: Day 8 - Don't Let Anyone Sell Your Short, or My Brush With Sexism in 7th Grade Band

2011-11-08T21:56:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.

Helen embodies self confidence. She wears it on every inch of her body - choosing bold colors and patterns in favor of pastels or matching outfits. The moment she feels aggrieved, she will let anyone within earshot hear. And she rarely gives up. If someone pushes her on the playground, everyone will know - and this has been true for a long time. If someone even thinks about taking something she's playing with, she'll let them know it's hers. She operates on the assumption that she belongs exactly where she is. She does not back down.

Each week, Helen's teacher sends a note about the class happenings. She has never mentioned a child by name in these notes, but today, the parents in the class received this. ..."Helen has also blessed us with the word for word retelling of Sleeping Beauty everyday, which everyone has enjoyed."... I have no doubt that Helen demands the attention of everyone in the room when she decides to do her daily performance.

I wonder, was I like this when I was little?

In 4th grade, I decided to play the trumpet. I'd been playing the piano for a couple of years and thought I understood how instruments work - one button, one note. With its 88 keys, the piano seemed pretty complex to me. The trumpet? It has three buttons. Three notes, right? Wrong. Also, my sister played the flute and I wanted to be different.

And so it was that my weekly lessons with a trumpet player in the basement of the music store started. I became quite good.

In 7th grade, I moved to middle school, and the band grew exponentially. On my first day in class, one of the boys in the trumpet section said to his friend "hey Roger - at least you won't be last chair this year - there's a girl playing trumpet". At first, I was mortified. I almost cried. This guy didn't even know me and he thought I was awful at my instrument - last chair awful. I can't remember if I told my parents about this embarrassment, but I do remember I practiced for the upcoming playing test - a lot. When it came time for the playing test, I blew those boys out of the water. I sat in first chair for all but two weeks of my two years of junior high. At first, I was challenged a lot. I never lost - though I do remember each one being stressful. Eventually, those boys gave up. Bu in 8th grade, I made a mistake in the playing test and was second chair for two weeks, at which time I challenged for my beloved 1st chair seat and got it back. Roger? He was a rock at last chair for most of our time in middle school. I desperately wished his a**hat friend would've been last chair. I still hate what that guy assumed.

Helen - this happens all.the.time. I wish it didn't. I hang in really enlightened circles. I have had incredible career mentors both male and female, and still - when I'm outside my circle I will have people assume I am less qualified. The most annoying is when the tall guy looks down on me and snarls his point. Sometimes, it's exhausting standing your ground.

But you know what? I don't want to let anyone sell me short.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column: Day 7 - Listen to Your Friends: Updated video featured

2011-11-07T22:28:00.000-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.

It's been on the "to-do" list for date night for quite some time, but finally, this past summer, Ed and I made it to see local singer/songwriter Luke Brindley. He co-owns Jammin Java, a place where you can see kids' shows during the day, drink coffee any time at all, and see adult bands at night. I have to digress here to say that I have long complained about Jammin' Java being really cold, but at this particular show, there was an enormous storm going on, which caused total loss of power, and then some force (be it a generator or divine intervention I do not know) got the lights and sound back on, but not the AC. I thought I would melt, as did my concert companions. Ed claims to have been unaffected by the sweltering heat, but I think he just became delirious at some point.

The show featured several artists along with Brindley, including Stephen Kellogg. While listening to his music, I commented to my friend Krisi that I'd come back to hear Kellogg again, and she filed this away in her brain.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago when she emailed to see if I wanted to go see Stephen Kellogg at 9:30 Club - which is an awesome venue. Allow me to set the stage here. 9:30 Club is for young people. Ed and I have seen a number of concerts here, including one that was so packed I actually passed out. There is very little air at the 5 foot level. Of course, because it was so packed, I didn't actually fall to the ground when I passed out, more like I bounced from person to person and eventually lay beside Ed's feet. After coming to, I sat outside the club for a few minutes. Since that time, Ed and I have mostly stuck to what we affectionately term "the old people seats". This is the balcony, where there are wide risers you can stand on (or sit on, before the show). There's a lot more air available up there.

I actually did not remember seeing Stephen Kellogg, but Krisi kept assuring me that I did indeed like him, and another friend kept assuring me he was "easy on the eyes" and so eventually, I got around to hacking into Ed's ticketpro account and purchasing tickets to the show. Of course, when Ed asked me who we were seeing, all I knew is that we'd seen him at some point before and Krisi said we liked him. Ed was not convinced.

But then, Kellogg took to the stage during one of the openers, and lucky for my old brain, he was wearing the same plaid shirt he wore at Jammin Java and everything came back to me. Yes, I did like this man.

At the break between the opener, Krisi decided that standing in the back was not acceptable. Although I was tempted to stay at the back because of my earlier fainting incident which has me a little gun shy in crowds, I followed. As it turns out, this was a terrific choice.

We were standing about 15 rows from the front, I had an outstanding view, and I was loving life. Then, near the end of the show, Kellogg told the crowd he needed some help, and he handed his guitar to someone in the front row. And then he hopped off the stage and started walking right towards me. When he got to where I was standing, he said "oh, there's who I'm looking for" and I actually thought someone had fainted and he was going to help them out. The guy seems that nice. But no - a second glance would confirm that he was looking for someone with a milk crate, which would be turned into his impromptu stage, along with others for the rest of the band.

I still think I might have died and gone to heaven.

Ironically, my group was old people in a sea of the young. And what song did Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers sing? Shady Esperanto and the Young Hearts. The video is below, but the gist of the song is the chorus

"I got a young heart and I don't
wanna get..
old, I never wanna get old
You get old, I never wanna get old
I never wanna get old
I never wanna get old
I'm never gonna get old
I'm never gonna get old"
The irony was not lost on me, I assure you.

Here's an official version of the song:

And neither was the lesson lost on me. Even at the 9:30 Club, when you're prone to fainting and have long ago resigned yourself to the old people seats, it's important to Listen To Your Friends.

Here's the version featuring the back of my head.
Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy

NaBloPoMo Advice Column: Day 6 - Embrace the Crazy

2011-11-06T21:19:00.001-05:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.
I lead a relatively calm life. Most of the time, things are basically under control. I consider myself a rock for my children, and I'm happy to serve that role.

However, sometimes, I find it just works better to embrace the crazy. You know, those moments when both kids are running around as if they snuck a cappuccino in on me, and it is clear that there is no possible way order can be restored with a simple suggestion of calming down. We run, we dance, we laugh, I scoop them up and pretend to drop them on their heads to "shake their sillies out".

The principal at Connor's school embodies this philosophy. The woman knows every student and parent associated with the school. She can recall information with little to no preparation, and she knows EVERYBODY in the school system - and can put you in touch with them quickly if needed. Parents adore her. When we leave our children in her building, we know they are in great hands. I did a lot of nosing around before deciding to send Connor to public school and I heard no negative comments about this woman. Not even the "I totally love her but..." type. I might cry if she ever leaves our school. I'm grateful for her extraordinately sensitivity in the transition to public school.

The greatest thing about her, however, is that the kids love her too, and I think it's in part because of her ability to embrace the crazy. There is no doubt when a kid is around her that she loves them. She's willing to join in whatever a child is doing.

Earlier this year, after I dropped off Connor with a substitute teacher, I walked by the Principal's office as she and her assistant were marching down the hall. I made some remark to her about it looking like a fun day in Connor's class and she looked at me, laughed, and said "we're on it". And with that, she marched down the hall with her assistant, looking like someone in the Wild West heading out to a dual. They knew exactly what they were walking into, and they had the confidence of knowing exactly what they'd be walking out of. I have no doubt that Connor's class was calm in minutes - after having a great laugh with her and her assistant.

Another day, I mentioned to her I was having lunch with Connor that day and she advised "bring ear plugs". I didn't follow her advice, but it was good advice. She seemed to stay away from the cafeteria in general, but then a few weeks later, she started being the disc jockey at Friday lunches, which have turned into a big dance party. This, by the way, is "totally funny and really, really, really fun!", according to Connor. She even plays "really old music - like, from the 1980s". (Note to Connor - I learned to dance with that music. It's not that old!) Apparently, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

She dressed up for Halloween, she tells hilarious stories at PTA meetings, and she knows more about education in this county than anyone else, I believe. She sends out appeals for families in the school that need assistance, and privately makes sure that her students have enough to eat by throwing her full support behind and school food pantry. Amidst all the seriousness of the work she does - and she does take it seriously, she's willing to embrace the craziness that comes along with being an elementary school principal. This weekend, she read a silly story to the kids at a book fair, and when the story mentioned Yugoslavia, she looked up at the adults and said "when was this book published?". So there she was, with all the kids laughing, and all of the parents reassured that indeed, we were leaving our children in the hands of a smart woman.

Embrace the crazy. Sometimes, I've learned, it's the only way.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column: Day 5 - No Sweatpants

2011-11-05T10:00:00.000-04:00

This ditty comes from my sister. After Connor's birth, I had a bit of difficulty getting my groove back. So she sent me a book, which basically said "start putting yourself back together - and start with your clothes because that's an easy place to start". It would take me a while to admit this, but about 2 years ago, I finally implemented a "no sweat pants" rule for myself - with the only exceptions being around the house late at night and while working in the garden.

I don't think any further explanation is needed on this one.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You

2011-11-04T18:00:00.000-04:00

Six years ago, I was a mess. I had a tiny baby and a pediatrician who thought I should be rearing Goliath. I had neither enough milk nor sleep - though I did manage to come down with what I am sure was the worst bout of mastitis in the history of mastitis. I was desperate for adult conversation. I loved that baby more than I could have ever predicted, but that baby was also kicking my a**. I do not actually look back super fondly on this time. Instead, I have blocked out a lot of it. I had to really refocus myself when Helen came along.

Out of loneliness with a little hope mixed in, I attended meetings at the Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington. Yes, to my non-mom friends, such a place exists. And for that hour, and sometimes the hour that followed as we had lunch at Grace's, I felt a little respite. Everyone else there had a crying baby, a story, and more to share. And someone, always someone, had a baby that was puking (which thankfully, Connor did not do - though Helen would eventually repay that in spades). For two hours weekly, I had found a place to relax.

On one visit, Susan told me that a group was forming, and asked for my email. I handed her my coworker's business card instead of mine because I was that amok. She was not so discombobulated. She reminded me my name wasn't Chip and made sure to get a reasonable email, rather than Chip's email. I actually did not think the group would survive. You see, I'm a firm believer that the course of all groups is to die. And I think that's OK. This group is geographically disjoint, making it even harder for it to survive. What I didn't know is that the support I needed those first few months would be needed later as well. These women have taught me today's piece of advice: when you're going through something new, drag someone with you.

I have asked these women all manner of questions - ranging from constipation to which boots to buy (all of them!). I have argued with these women. I have sat back and learned from these women. I have seen myself go through trauma and come out whole. I have tried to give back, too.

And so it is that I find myself preparing for dinner tonight, with a solid group of women who make time for dinner, playdates, and emails on a regular basis. We chat about our spouses, our lives, our babysitters, and our kids. We go camping and to the beach with one family in the group, are preparing ski trips with others in the group, and take time for theatre with still others. On Fridays in the summer, we like to hang with this family. Sometimes, we even score a playdate at this fun pool and eat cupcakes! I have no doubt that relationships with change over time, but I've definitely learned one thing from my Milk Mom Tribe. When you go through something new - drag someone with you!

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 3 - Surround Yourself With Beauty

2011-11-03T21:45:00.000-04:00

Porcelain Dessert Plates - made by me

People often sink to the lowest common denominator. Being practical triumphs over beauty, and I fear where we're headed. A particular low point was the introduction of plastic dinnerware in my house - something I do not ever recall using when I was a kid. Now that Helen and Connor are getting older, it's possible to re-infuse beauty in our daily meals, packing away that plastic junk.

I spent several years throwing pots. During that time, I attended a workshop led by Kevin Crowe and he drove the point home that he is very aware when he makes pots that he is taking perfectly good earth and turning it into a material good - which is not, on face, a desirable thing. He focuses on functional pottery, because he wants to use that good earth for a defined purpose.

I love that.

And the philosophy certainly jives with the potter I studied under for years in Adams Morgan, Jill Hinckley. One year, in fact, many people received mugs from me at Christmas because Jill made an off-hand remark about a mug being the most intimate gift you could give someone. Every time the person uses the mug, they must hold it in their hands. They feel its weight. Perhaps the handle gives pause, or the color, or the foot. These were primitive pots that I gifted for sure, and I do cringe a bit whenever I visit my in-laws and see this chunky pot I made my father-in-law. But I also try and use it at least once each visit, because I want to remember that point in my pottery life. I do, however, look forward to replacing it some day.

For a time, I used a yellow plastic mug at my office that I had carried with me from college. It was practical. It held a lot of water. It would never get confused with someone else's mug, so it could easily be left behind in the office kitchen and it would always find its way back to me. And then one day, I tossed it in the trash. And now I use a mug I purchased from Kevin so many years ago. The mug looks something like this. I adore it. And someday, when it meets the fate of all ceramic things and breaks, I will miss it very much.

Our dinner table is adorned with handmade items. Helen and I share hot chocolate in handmade mugs. Someday, I will make her a tiny mugs to replace the ones that fell to their death almost the moment her 2 year old hands touched them, much to Connor's (and my!) dismay.

I was once preparing to serve dessert at my home. A friend's husband actually set aside the handmade plate I offered him (that I made - one from the trio of plates above) in lieu of the manufactured plate so "it would stack better in the dishwasher". I small piece of me died when I heard him say that.

It's true, my collection of plates do not fit neatly in the dishwasher. And it's also true that unlike the daily china Ed and I ate off for 10 years, I will be a little sad when a plate gets chipped.

porcelain dinner plate, made by me

stoneware plate - made by Mike Pappas

porcelain plate, made by Jill Hinckley

stoneware plate by Jill Hinckley

All of these pots have a story. For example, Mike is an organic farmer in the area. The plate above that he made was imprinted with a fence post from his farm. The kids love that story. But what they really love are the "bumps" on the plate beneath it that Jill made. After throwing the plate, Jill altered the plate with her hands, which gives it a great, one-of-a-kind touch.

This dinnerware is alive. It brings humanity to our daily rituals.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 2 - Whatever, it works.

2011-11-02T19:00:00.000-04:00

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview.
2. "Whatever, it works". This one is borrowed from my friend Aglaia.

Details. They're often important. How well you capture them will often dictate how good your outcome will be. For example, if you bake a cake, and forget an ingredient, you'll probably know it with the first bite. In junior high, I didn't know there was a difference between baking powder and baking soda. My group's assignment was to make a recipe titled "baking powder biscuits". We unintentionally substituted baking soda. Wow, were those biscuits fantastic looking. Tallest ones in the class. But take a bite? They tasted like a salt bomb. We couldn't even gag down enough to pretend we'd gotten the recipe right. The distinction between baking powder and baking soda? It matters. In this case, "whatever, it works", is terrible advice.

But that's not always the case.

My dad often says "there's a right way, a wrong way, and a mymom'slastname way. Everyone married to one of my mom's siblings relates to this. And for a long time, so did I. And then I got busy, and I learned that I could actually skip vacuuming beneath my bed weekly, so long as I did it regularly enough that no dust bunnies formed. I no longer completed the task the mymoms'slastname way, instead, I applied "whatever, it works".

At a PTA meeting last night, the math coach was going over the new math program at Connor's school and she noted that the big improvement in the program was that it allowed for multiple pathways to solve a problem. This, she said, is the key to true understanding. Which reminded me of a story on NPR about solving math problems

Multiply 19 and 4.

What did you do? As it turns out, some people think "19 + 19 + 19 + 19", others think "38 * 2", some think "9 * 4, carry the 3, add the 4" and still others (me!) think "20 * 4 - 4". All are correct. My method blows Ed away.

In the context of raising kids, sometimes boots must be worn when sneakers would be more appropriate, or a giant puddle of glue finds favor over a little piece of tape. Occasionally, Helen swims with her wetsuit and top to her bathing suit because the bottom of the bathing suit has gone missing. And when I need a quiet moment in the car I have been known to hand Helen a Starburst. In the quest for these lost items or quiet space, I know life isn't perfect. I try and remind myself to take a deep breath and adopt Aglaia's philosophy - "Whatever, it works!".

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).

Welcome, to My NaBloPoMo Advice Column - 30 Thoughts in 30 Days

2011-11-01T21:51:00.000-04:00

It's November, and with November comes Therese's rallying email to participate in National Blog Posting Month - NaBloPoMo - most annoying moniker on the internet. This marks year 5! I had thought about posting about something that annoys me each day, but even I get tired of listening to myself complain. So I thought I'd take the edge off it and also write about something I enjoy, but that didn't seem like enough damage control.
Instead, I'm bringing you my National Blog Posting Month Advice Column - 30 Thoughts in 30 Days. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview - borrowed from many.

1. Surround Yourself With Brilliant People

Helen has determined that J. is her best friend. I'm not sure J. really knows she exists, but his mom seems delighted that Helen is always so happy to see him. He shows up at school and Helen shouts to him, all but demanding that he come to her. Often, when we go places, Helen will exclaim from the back seat of the car "wouldn't it be so fabulous if J. were there, too?".

He's only 4, but from the looks of it, J. seems weirdly smart. He strikes me as one of those kids who is so busy thinking up brilliant ideas, that he has a hard time living in the present. One day, Helen's class was walking back from the park. They all hang onto a rope as they do this. J. was distracted by seeing me en route, and Helen was waving wildly to get my attention. In the midst of the action, J. fell, but damn if he didn't hang onto that rope. I shouted "man down" to get the teacher's attention. She stopped the line and looked back. J. stood up, looked around, and he seemed to be thinking "I hold that rope all the time. I've never been drug along by it and nearly trampled by my peers. What the heck just happened?". All I could think of was, another genius. I hope I get to see this kid in 10 years to see what he's up to.

I have a lot of brilliant friends. I married a brilliant man. Surrounding myself with brilliant people has made life an absolute trip. I love the debates it brings. I love bouncing through ideas quickly until something interesting is hit upon. I love the pondering. I love the compromise and the thought provoking questions.

If I had to pick exactly one characteristic in a friend, I would choose brilliance. Every day.

Finally...the loot!

2011-10-31T20:44:00.001-04:00

True to form, Helen was ready for "just one more house" though she also requested to be carried because her legs were "SO TIRED". And though the wee ones may disagree, I think the haul was sufficient. Plus, I got nervous and purchased an extra bag of candy at Target yesterday so we have a lot of left-overs.

As soon as Helen and Connor returned home from their final outing, Connor started sorting. Chip off the old block, that kid is. Sorting marks a long-held Halloween tradition for my sister and me. I have to say, the pile of "yucky candy" which was always reserved for my dad was pretty small. And mom, there were NO Mounds or Bit O' Honey this year. Strange, I know. Please don't cancel your upcoming trip on account of this. There's lots of other good stuff!

Happy Halloween!
Elaine

My Favorite Garbage Truck

2011-10-30T14:00:00.000-04:00

For Halloween this year, Connor wanted to be a garbage truck. He also wanted Ed to be a garbage can and asked me to be a raccoon. Helen had some roll in his garbage themed schema, but she refused. She stomped her food and said she was going to be a pumpkin, and so I made her a pumpkin outfit.

I stressed about the pumpkin outfit briefly, bought a yard of orange flannel (a couple of weeks BEFORE Halloween, as I learned from last year's costume quest that although fabric stores are typically vacant, they have enormous lines the week of Halloween). Then, I remembered that Helen is 4. Her idea of a pumpkin is probably radically different than a Hollywood costume designer's idea of a pumpkin. I knit the hat for the outfit in a couple of hours. I made the pumpkin in fewer than five minutes. All I did was fold the yard of fabric over, cut out a hole for the neck, tie it together with a ribbon we had in our ribbon box, and voila - a pumpkin. Helen loves that outfit, and every single person who saw her on the costume's inaugural run at Connor's school's Halloween parade knew exactly what she was and thought the costume was fantastic. And - since it might be SNOWING on Halloween here, wearing a flannel blanket is a perfect costume.

Ed took the more difficult task of coming up with a garbage truck outfit. With a few boxes, some straps from some decommissioned booster seats, and pads from a nearly decommissioned stroller, a garbage truck was born.

There's a box in back where the candy goes, and the white thing up front is trash-dog Pugsley, who has his own ghost costume (paper towel with a rubber band around it).

I might be able to go as a raccoon, just by being my normal under-slept person with baggy eyes. Not sure what ed's going to come up with in the garbage can department.

Elaine

Halloween at School

2011-10-29T21:52:00.002-04:00

About a week before Friday, I lost my mind. You see, I foolishly decided to volunteer in Connor's classroom in the morning for "the Great Pumpkin Caper" and then decided to do double duty and volunteer for the Halloween party as well. When I got home, I wanted to collapse. Connor? He wanted to run around and play baseball. Clearly, he has more stamina than I give him credit for.

First...the Great Pumpkin Caper. There are no photographic records of this, because it would've meant ruining my camera by getting it full of pumpkin goo. First, have the children estimate how many seeds are in the pumpkin. Guesses from the table I was helping: D - 20; P - 80; F - 129; Connor - 200; me: 432. Actual number: 672 - plus a few more because D got tired of counting and his piles of 10 were not exactly even and F decided to make a last grasp for additional seeds on the floor that I had deemed out of play and didn't add to our total. Yeah, I can CRUSH 6 year olds in the estimating department. I'm proud.

Second step was the counting. I needed to remove the top of the pumpkin, but some parent who donated the pumpkin to the table I was at was an a$$hat and though they cut around the top of the pumpkin, they never actually removed the top, and apparently they missed a spot because I could not pry that FU**ER off, so I had to climb on a cabinet and get a knife, while D decided to wander around the room, break the stem of the pumpkin, and then start beating on the damn thing because he. is. so. strong. But not strong enough to make actual progress in the quest to remove the top.

Connor was thrilled at getting to count piles of 10 and then make groups of 100. F was pretty diligent in his task, P gave up around 100 and D counted about 30 seeds and then decided to just make random piles of seeds. I guess I can't blame him, but F and Connor were not thrilled about the inexactness of it all. Eventually, Helen joined the counting because we were never going to finish. Connor was perfectly happy to reach into the pumpkin and get the seeds and goo out. D just wanted to reach into it, mash it around, and then wave his hands wildly. P was too precious to get too close to the goo, and F kept waving his hands wildly whenever he decided there was too much goo near him. So, for the team, I scooped those seeds out like a pro and kept telling my little counters to keep going. I also told F repeatedly that if he kept flicking pumpkin goo on me, I might start smelling good to a wild animal and be attacked on the way home. This deterred him ever so briefly.

Next, we measured, counted ridges, and then eventually, the Great Pumpkin Caper ended.

Helen and I dashed out to sanity only to turn around an hour later to get kids ready for the parade and then make sure the number of children lost at the parade stayed at acceptable levels. Although Connor was happy enough to march at the end of the first grade line, Helen prefers the front. So, she just marched right up to Mrs. H. and walked with her. And then she spent the two laps of the field waving at all the moms she knows, pretending she was in first grade. She loved it.

Next, Helen and the first graders went to music. I'm not even sure the music teacher realized she had an extra kid in her class until she told me I didn't need to watch (which was code for: I'm doing such an embarrassing job at teaching today, I'd prefer you not witness it) and I told her I had a little one in the class. She let Helen stay (which thrilled Helen) and I went downstairs to prepare for the party.

Anyone notice the kids who's not actually in first grade pretending as if she is?

I taught the kids how to make bats. Totally cool.

Then, the kids cleaned the room up a bit, we went home, and I wanted to lie in a ball and sleep. Too bad my kids didn't want to do the same.

Elaine

Homemade Friday: Pig

2011-10-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

This pig sold for $25 at the Fall Festival before an hour had gone by. Had I know it was going to sell for so much, and so early, I would've made more. Notice the super cute tail that I made by finger knitting the embroidery floss used on the rest of the pig. That was my extra touch on the project. The pig is about 4 inches in length.

Mirror Mirror On the Wall, Who's the Princess In My Hall?

2011-10-27T23:17:00.004-04:00

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine posted the below on Facebook.

So I quickly reposted it, and many other friends posted it, and I got involved in several discussions about the messages the media sends to our children.

Neither of my children have ever seen any of these movies. They have heard the fairy tales behind many of them.

I do think that media images matter, and we are an intentionally low consumer of all mass media in our household. I think I matter more, for sure, but I just can't ignore the growing rates of disordered eating by girls - even very young girls, and I think the images are so much catchier now than when I was exposed to them as a kid - so I just can't blow it all off as benign.

Much as I try to weed out this stuff, I have to admit that Helen is drawn to this crap like a magnet in an MRI machine. Show her something pink and sparkly, and she wants it.

So, in the interest of full disclosure, this is how Helen went dressed to dance class today, because I haven't yet finished making the pumpkin costume she requested. And yeah, because she loves her pink and sparkly dress-up.

Elaine

Reading Between the Lines: From Left to Write Book Club "Lost Edens"

2011-10-24T23:58:00.003-04:00

I used to be in near constant conflict with myself. Now, I am only occasionally in conflict with myself. As an example of a conflicts I had recently with myself, I outbid myself at a silent auction I chaired for Helen's school. I’m not even making this up. There was a painting in the auction that I adore. I was absolutely convinced that someone would try and outbid me at the last minute, and so I raised my bid by $25 with two minutes left to go in the auction because if I lost, I wanted to lose by at least $50. I realize I make no sense. This move did, however, provide much entertainment for friends watching me debate with me. (I WON! and lost.)

The sort of conflicts I used to have with myself were over figuring people out. I often read between the lines. I take small gestures to have significance whether they do or not. For example – notice the way that person blinked a lot while they were talking to me? Probably super bored or lying. Notice how she said she hoped we’d get together soon, but then gave me instructions to “call her”. Probably means she’s not actually interested, and is hoping I’ll forget. Or what about that question I asked that was left hanging in the air? I probably exposed something that wasn’t supposed to be known. This type of thinking can be exhausting.

A few years ago, I decided this activity was a waste of time. I decided instead, that I would just take people on face value. When I moved into my current house, my children trespassed on my neighbor’s lawn because it has a very cool tree house. My neighbor came out as I was attempting to retrieve them, stopped me and said “your kids can come over any time they want”, I looked at her and replied “I am from the Midwest. When you say things like that, I want to trust that it’s what you mean. If you don’t mean it, it’s totally fine, but can you just tell me soon so that they don’t end up bothering you.” As a note – people from the East coast are generally not this nice about people running around in their lawns. She laughed and said “me too! I mean it!” And it was then that our backyard pact was formed whereby her 3 boys come over to my yard to play basketball and Helen and Connor go to her house to enjoy the swing set and tree house. It has saved us a lot of money! I am certain we'd own at least one of those fun objects right now if I had second guessed my neighbor and not taken her at face value.

The flip to deciding I would take others on face value is that I would expect them to take me on face value, too. As a result, I’ve been a lot blunter. I know at times I offend, and I also know I surprise people occasionally, but it is a super easy way to live life. You know the famous poem about the woman who’s going to wear purple when she’s old? That’s who I’m trying to be. Now.

When I was reading the book “Lost Edens”, by Jamie Patterson, I was reminded of my pledge to not spend time reading between the lines. Jamie finds herself with a cheating husband who emotionally abuses her. So she looks for signs. Lots of signs. And the thing about all of it is, from the second page of the book I wanted to shout “your dog doesn’t like him – he’s no good!” Because that dog? He can't look around and see the good - he knows the bad. But it takes Jamie time to see her (ex) husband for who he is. Instead, she relishes the moments when he wears his wedding ring, and they appear to be a perfect couple. The symbol, as it turns out, is meaningless.

Now…why did this fact strike me? I’m married to a man who doesn’t even know where his wedding band is, much less could he remember the last time he wore it. So I could make myself nuts and try and assign some significance to this, or I could just accept what he tells me every night. “I love you.”

Elaine

I’m a member of the From Left to Write book club. I received a free copy of the book “Lost Edens” by Jamie Patterson. The book is a fast read. It was very emotionally draining for me, and made me worry about Helen's future.

Happy 4th Birthday, Helen!

2011-10-14T00:07:00.001-04:00

Dear Helen,

Yesterday, after much anticipation, you turned 4. Since Connor's birthday, you have been pretty excited about your own celebration. At one point, I told you that your birthday was in the fall. I received the following note from your teacher a couple of weeks ago.

"I am sure you are aware Helen's birthday is approaching (she reminds me often)! The first day of school she saw some leaves fall and said "oh no, it is fall. Maybe I am already four now. We might have missed my birthday. I will have to ask my mom. I will tell you tomorrow if I am four."

I have heard several theories related to the ebb and flow of behavior, and how for six months, life is gloriously easy as a child settles into herself. Then, there's six months of testing limits and reaching out to the next developmental phase and age. You have easily hit your stride so I'm banking on another six months like this. Did you hear that, Universe? SIX MORE MONTHS OF FUN, HAPPINESS, AND LOVING LIFE with LITTLE TO NO COMPLICATIONS.

The best thing you do these days is running after your dad or I as we head off to work and you race us to the corner. Pure delight on all sides. Your dad takes the time to bring you back. I'm afraid I'll drop you, so you run back to your dad after waving to me at the stop sign.

You are wonderfully expressive and emotional. Things are often very good, or terrible. And if they're the latter, you let everyone know. Often. Even after you're supposed to be sleeping, you will call downstairs to issue that one last important grievance. Sometimes, it's hard to convince you to just go to sleep.

You are S.L.O.W. when it comes to eating, but also somewhat adventurous. Mostly, you have a lot of rather unimportant things to say at dinner, when you have a pretty good audience since others are eating, and you like to fill our time with entertaining, rather than eating. I attended class with you on your birthday and when it came time for snack you were served rice, seaweed, sesame seeds, and kale chips. You happily told me that the rice tastes even better when it's rolled in the nori and then you sat and ate every bite of snack, asking for seconds. After eating the first bit of kale, you gave a little shiver and told me you didn't like it - but then you gobbled it up and explained to me it was quite delicious. Love that!

You know what you want in life, and you easily direct others to help you. Occasionally, you decide to use your cuteness and charm to convince people to perform even the simplest of tasks for you. I think I'm the only one who hasn't been convinced to turn the light on in the bathroom for you.

You adore Connor, and the best days in life are the ones that include him. This melts even my heart.

Grandpa Rodney and Grandma Carlene came to help celebrate your birthday. Presents! Fun!

We are so very lucky to have you in our lives!

Love,
Mommy

Back from Kansas

2011-10-10T21:00:00.001-04:00

For those following along at home - this actually happened in July. For whatever reason, I never published it. Enjoy!

We just spent a week in Kansas, and the whole time we were there, it was super hot, and I resisted mightily the urge to cry out "I'm melting" just like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz. But really, I should've. I was able to remember the absolute best thing about my family. We don't believe in sunk costs. Ever. And that means, if we have purchased tickets for an amusement park, and we have made plans to go, if it is open, we go. Even if it's 200 degrees outside. We make a pact to all pretend like we don't notice it's 200 degrees outside, we don our hats, and we drink lots and lots of water.

And so it was, that on what was possibly the hottest day of the year, we found ourselves on our annual adventure to Worlds of Fun. Connor is now big enough to enjoy quite a few of the rides, and Helen is daring enough to climb in with him whenever the gatekeeper will let her.

Here we are at the entrance, totally ready to rock it! Ed is holding a coffee cup behind his back. Yeah, like that was necessary!

One of the things I like best about Worlds of Fun is that many of the rides are the same as when I was a kid, pounding pavement in 200 degree whether if that's what the weather happened to be. The "Old Cars" are classic. My sister and I decided to let Dad drive. I'm not sure if he fell asleep at the wheel or if he's reading a map so he knows where he is going. Both are equally likely.

Although I am becoming a greater and greater wimp when it comes to rides, my sister is defying age and getting more and more daring. Here she is with Ed (our normal go-to guy for all things dangerous at amusement parks) and Emily - thrill-seeker extraordinaire on the Detonator. I'm not going to tell you whether anyone vomited, but I will tell you that I don't remember anyone going a second time.

Before the ride.

After the ride.

During the ride.

Last year, Helen was too short to go on the log ride, and everyone in the park knew it. This year? Score!

At lunch, we had Connor practice being tall so he could go on the Fury of the Nile. Fail.

Add a few spins on the Octopus, a roller coaster, the train in the kid section of the park, and several other days and you have a family visit to Worlds of Fun.

Rather than whining about how hot it was all night - do you know what we did?

We patted ourselves on the back for choosing a day when the LINES WERE SHORT. Now that's a good attitude - friends!

Elaine

Once Upon A Monster

2011-10-09T08:00:00.001-04:00

Recently, I took the kids to an event at Georgetown that was hosted by the folks who did the studies Helen participated in. We got to see the Kinect in action - which is pretty groovy if you have never witnessed it. I know, you probably have. I live under a rock.

There are no controls on the games. Instead, kids "wave in" to play the game - and that and other actions are picked up by cameras in the game. In this particular game, kids become Elmo and Cookie Monster and go through a series of movements that are happening in the story. At the end, there's something of a free dance session. The technology is incredibly impressive. Remember, I grew up on Pong, and then the Commodore Vic 20. Wow. Just wow.

And while video games might not be our home's entertainment du jour, I will say this. These games are totally intuitive. I'm always impressed when I see a young child with an iPad, and it's for the same reason I'm impressed with this gaming system. With no training whatsoever, it's possible to - in this case - play the game. Pretty clever. And Helen and Connor both had a lot of fun. It's clear that the creators of the game went to great lengths to meet children where they are, rather than just simplifying an adult game. Kudos for that.

But here's my objection. The game is focused on getting children out of their chairs and moving. We know that's generally a good thing. But when we decide to use games like this to promote exercise, I feel like we're trying to figure out how to win the battle, while at the same time admitting we have lost the war (and maybe we have - remember, I live under a rock). Yes, if I had to choose whether my child was sitting down passively playing a game or running around engaged playing a game, I would choose the latter almost every time.

But that's a false choice. And I think we've forgotten that. Gaming doesn't have to be inevitable. It's a choice we make each day - and we can choose to become Elmo and run around inside a world that some very creative person brought to us, or we can run around outside and create something magical ourselves. And there's a lot of middle ground available, too.

Is the game fun? Absolutely. Is the game better than other gaming alternatives? Absolutely. But is it the best use of a young child's time? I'd say there's plenty of room for debate on that one. And frankly, I've had to "agree to disagree" with almost everyone I know on this point.

Also, for the record, I think cookie monster eating a box of cookies all at once is funny. I'm a little bit wistful that he's eating fruit now.

Elaine

PS - In irony of all ironies, I won a gaming system at the event. I knew from the moment Connor drew "9" that it would be drawn out of the bowl. It hasn't arrived yet.

Camping Trip with Dad

2011-10-07T08:00:00.000-04:00

Connor is a cub scout. And that means that Ed, for possibly the first time ever in his life, is participating in a school sanctioned activity.

Elaine

Happy 47 Months, Helen

2011-10-06T00:09:00.002-04:00

Dear Helen,

You started drop-off school this year and you could not possibly have been happier. You've been wanting to go to school without me for a year, and you were not disappointed when it finally came to pass. I was happy to drop you off at school and feel great about how you spend your mornings.

You are a laugh a minute, and I can hardly keep up with you. Your energy is explosive, and you both fall in love fast, and draw others to fall in love fast with you. It's super endearing.

You have one habit that is so annoying, I want to scream. Many times. Each day. You cannot be wrong, and you always get your way. Neither of these are, of course, true. But you will argue with anyone that they are. This, for example, is not an unusual conversation.

You: "I want that toy purse."
Me: "No, Helen, I'm shopping for a birthday present for your friend today. I'm not buying anything for you."
You: "I meant, I will buy that purse for my kids. I didn't mean I wanted it for me."

- or -

Me: "I'm taking you to a new park today."
You: "I've been there before."
Me: "No, you haven't."
You: "Yes I have. I flew there last night."

at some point, this annoyed me so much I added to the previous conversation:

Me: "What did you see there?"
You: "I'm not telling you."

Do you know why my forehead is flat? It's because of the number of hours I spend banging my head against the wall because of you.

You also do the cutest thing ever, something that a neighbor commented was "straight out of Norman Rockwell". Each morning, you race your dad or me to the corner. Your dad or I hops on our bike or gets in the car, and then you should "READY, SET, GO" and you start running and waving and shouting "bye mommy" or "bye daddy" as appropriate until you get to the stop sign. You always win. But you started feeling bad about winning all the time, so you declared that we were a team, so even though you touched the stop sign first, we were both winners. When it's your dad's turn, he brings you back on his bike, which you love.

Your teacher sent me the following note a few days ago:

"Hi Elaine,
I am sure you are aware Helen's birthday is approaching (she reminds me often)! The first day of school she saw some leaves fall and said "oh no, it is fall. Maybe I am already four now. We might have missed my birthday. I will have to ask my mom. I will tell you tomorrow if I am four."

Did I mention how much I love your teacher?

Another day, you made me and another jogger laugh quite hard. I decided to take the jogging stroller out because you preferred to go running with me rather than stay home with your babysitter. At first, you were terribly annoyed with me because you were trying to draw a picture, and the ride was too bumpy. You decided to put your notebook and marker away. Then, we hit a big hill. I was working as hard as I could to get up the hill and you just kept shouting "you sure you're still running back there". Another buy on the trail laughed so hard he stopped running. I prayed that I could maintain forward momentum long enough to get to the top of the hill, because it would've been a long ride down for you.

May you always lighten my days, Helen.

Love,
Mommy

First Week of Public School: Recap

2011-10-04T22:14:00.002-04:00

Ha! I was going to be so good at recording my impressions of Connor's new school, but between preparing for the Potomac Crescent Waldorf School Silent Auction (which I am running - although I have three people helping that have been an enormous help!), an ear infection for Connor, and a crazy project ending at work, I never seemed to hit send. So...pretend you're reading this a few weeks ago.

Day 1. Helen and I took Connor to his classroom. Only, we arrived a few minutes early, so we were there alone. I didn't know we were supposed to drop off in the multipurpose room, but apparently everyone else knew this. I swear, I read every single piece of paper and email that comes to me (and the amount is vast!) and this was not mentioned. This is a problem with starting a school in first grade, rather than Kindergarten. The Kindergarten parents received instructions on what to do. I was supposed to just figure it out, I guess.

After putting a photo of me and Connor up in Connor's locker (from our recent trip to the Red Caboose motel) and showing him where his lunch would be, we went searching for the other 21 children in his class, and found them in a super crowded room. I figured out where Mrs. H's class was sitting, and Connor joined the line. Then I walked with the line to Connor's class, but Mrs. H. wasn't there yet.

Connor was noticeably thrown by all of this. He then followed the other children in taking his seat.

Imagine this - for an entire two years of your life, you've started school by saying a morning verse with your parent and then running around outside on a playground. Now, you're supposed to just sit at a desk. Connor tried very hard to hold back the tears, and I do believe he would have, had another girl not started bawling. She thought her parents had failed to get her school supplies, and she was super upset about it. Her emotional outburst validated his own insecurities.

Connor became very pale, like he does when he's about to cry, and a single tear slid down his face. He wiped it quickly away, and did his best to ground himself in his chair. It was then that my heart broke into a million tiny pieces. I really felt like I had betrayed him.

Helen and I began our exit, because I knew I'd lose my positive disposition and be a mess of tears in minutes if we didn't leave fast. When we reached the door, Helen ran back to Connor and gave him the biggest hug ever. It was as if to say "I'm sorry she's doing this to you. I'll figure out a way to get her to spring you from this place, but I need a little time".

Little did Helen know, but I had plans for her, too. Quickly, we set about mopping the floor.

I felt so awful that I called Ed and I think we were both convinced that we'd be writing a tuition check to the Waldorf school soon. At noon, I emailed the principal and asked if she'd seen him and told him he was very sad when Helen and I left.

I liked her response. She emailed back that she had seen Connor three times that morning, and although he could be holding it in, he seemed fine. I appreciated that she was aware that, having met him only a couple of times, she might not have a complete handle on how he would show his emotions.

When Connor came home that evening, he reported that snack was good, music was not good (no instruments!), that they didn't get to play with the toys in class, and that two boys had their fishes moved to blue for being naughty. Apparently, his fish is on the rocks. If he's naughty once, it gets moved to blue. Twice, it goes to yellow and your parent gets a note. Three incidents of being naughty result in moving your fish to red and a visit to the Principal's office. And this next part is what I love about Connor. Mrs. H. told the class that if your fish stayed on blue for 10 days in a row, you could get a prize. So Connor, always the good listener, decided that he needed to be naughty once in order to get his fish moved to blue, but then not be naughty again for 10 days so he could get his prize. I *think* I convinced him that rocks or blue would qualify for a prize, but I'm not sure. I sent a note back on the "daily news" about this so Mrs. H could clarify.

He then told me I needed to sign a paper for him, because if I did this 10 times, he could get a prize. If we remember to do this 20 times, he's going to get a prize for Helen, too. He'll look for something pink. [Edited to add: And since I am publishing this much later than it was written, I can add that the very first opportunity Connor had to get a prize, I was volunteering in his classroom. He noticed that there was one wristband bracelet like the ones all the first graders received on the first day of class, and he plunged his hand right into the prize jar and told Mrs. H "I'm getting this bracelet! Helen loves mine and has been wanting mine for so long. Now she can have this one". I was not actually surprised by this, because Connor does sweet stuff like this for Helen all the time. Mrs. H. about fell over though, and pretty much stopped the whole class to tell them what a nice thing Connor had done, and in honor of his nice thing, she gave him a second prize. I did want to punch Mrs. H. when she did this. You see, I don't like external motivation and prizes, and I wanted Connor to just be proud of his action, which would then motivate him internally to continue to do nice deeds. Attaching an extrinsic reward to it all cheapens the act. Connor was thrilled, of course. Psychology be damned!]

Day 2. Initially, Connor wanted to be dropped off at his class door. Then, he decided he wanted me to take his stuff to his locker, and he would go to the gym. He did an about face to head to the gym, missed the door, and managed to get to the front of the school as I swam upstream to try and get him back to the right place. When he saw the front door of the school, he realized he had gone too far, and spun around. He seemed relieved to see me - so I took him to the gym door, and he disappeared inside. Helen and I waited by his classroom to make sure he found the right line. When he passed us, he gave me a big hug, and then he picked Helen up and carried her all the way into class. He and Helen were laughing up a storm, and Mrs. H. joined in. The woman is a saint. She could've easily been annoyed.

That evening, he brought me the paper "the daily news", and although it was lacking in details yesterday, on Wednesday it reported that he played with the cash register and had the names of the four little dudes he played with. Apparently, the torrential downpours we're experiencing here meant indoor recess - a phenomena previously unknown to Connor as Waldorf kids play outside, every day.

Day 3. We were really getting into the groove by now. Connor went to the gym, found his line, and repeated the whole carrying Helen thing in. Every girl in the class is now in love with Helen and Mrs. H. stops whatever she's doing to give Helen a hug and let me know how much she loves her. This was the first day of science. The experiment? Eat a gobstopper. Observe what happens to it. Now put a gobstopper in a dish of water to sit overnight.

Day 4. Connor was excited to go to school, and was starting to know the names of the kids in his class. He was eager to learn what happened to that gobstopper, and I do not believe he was disappointed. He impressed Mrs. H. with his mad math skillz, and he is reportedly her best sitter and listener. That last trait is a trait many Waldorf educated children have. They hear stories all the time, and it's important to listen in order to know what's going on because there are no written words for them to rely on. That was Friday, and thus concluded Connor's first week of school.

I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. I think this will be true for a long time. Connor most definitely feels loved and cared for, which is very important to me. He's also happy and he's certainly learning lots of random things, which may or may not prove useful at some point. The one thing I wish I'd done prior to sending him to first grade? Teach him to hold a pencil. I was so worried about the reading, that it never occurred to me that he would need to know how to hold a pencil. His teacher has asked me if I think it's an OT issue. No, it is not. You can take that to the bank.

Elaine

A Lesson in Why Being the Storyteller Is Important

2011-09-26T21:02:00.001-04:00

It strikes me often, that since I control the content of these pages, I have an awful lot of power in laying down memories for my children. They will, likely, look back at this at some point and through it, remember some forgotten stories, learn ones they never knew, and swear up and down that what I write could not possibly be true. That last one will be Helen.

Cleopatra is one of those lost characters for me. Other than a recollection of her asp-bitten shortened life and taking the role of seductive temptress to many, I simply don't know that much about the Hellenistic period.

And you know what?

Neither do a lot of people - including the people telling the stories. Stacy Schiff takes a stab at sorting out some of the history in her book "Cleopatra: A Life", and painting this most powerful ruler in a new light. And I loved it.

You see, I know how society likes its women. Society likes us quiet, docile, and ready to take care of people. And when women break those roles - well, the adjectives aren't always that nice. A confident woman is a b*itch, when a woman doesn't flinch at a tough decision - she's seen as heartless, and heaven forbid she should attempt to do something women simply aren't supposed to do. Just look back at the media coverage of Geraldine Ferraro's and Sarah Palin's Vice Presidential bid and Hillary Clinton's Presidential bid. Some of that news coverage is disgraceful. PunditMom has documented this for us more than once.

And those stories about women politicians and other women who break the mold? Just like the stories on this blog could become hardened memories for my children, those stories can become hardened in our psyches.

So Helen, I need to set the record straight. I talk all the time about how stubborn you are. You stomp your foot better than anyone I know - and your stink eye makes people flinch. And while it might seem like I'm complaining. I'm not. For as much as a pain in the tush as it is now, I hope you keep that fight, and I know deep down that some day, you'll be faced with a really tough decision. And you will stare your opponent directly in the eyes, without flinching, and you will make the smartest, strongest argument you can. And whether you win or not, you'll be taken seriously.

And after reading this book, I'm taking Cleopatra more seriously myself. She was one tough ruler.

Elaine

I received a free copy of the book "Cleopatra, A Life" as a member of the From Left to Write book club. I'm not quite to the end, but when I finish it - it's up for grabs. Any interest, Therese?

Wordless Wednesday: Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner!

2011-09-14T08:00:00.005-04:00

Give her credit - the girl can dance! She even has names for some of these moves, none of which I can remember.

Elaine

Connor's Heaven

2011-09-12T23:57:00.000-04:00

About a week ago, Grandpa Dick came to babysit. He managed to squeeze a lot of fun into a hurricane shortened visit. The final evening of his visit was spent in the Red Caboose hotel near Strasburg, PA. While this might not have been Grandpa Dick's version of heaven, it was definitely Connor's version of heaven. Our car included two bunk beds, so both Helen and Connor scored a top bunk. Ed and I scored a double bed that wasn't quite long enough for Ed's body.

Elaine

9/11 Remembered

2011-09-12T15:22:00.000-04:00

I'm writing at the DCMoms now. Here we are, 10 years after four planes crashed in Arlington, Pennsylvania, and New York City. It still makes me sad. And although we had torrential downpours for the week preceding the anniversary of 9/11, those classic blue skies blanketed the area this past weekend.

Elaine

Wordless Wednesday: Rain Walk

2011-09-07T08:00:00.000-04:00